Gori Girl

If you haven’t been to the forums lately, Pale Desi & others in the NYC area have been organizing a summer meetup! Here are the details (all credit goes to them, not me): NYC Gori Girl Meet-up Coffee and Yummy Indian Chinese food! I tried to make it an earlier dinner because it seems like [...]

Esther Duflo, a development economist at MIT, recently won the John Bates Clark Medal – which is basically means the economics field is saying “You’re brilliant, doing amazing work, but not quite wrinkly enough to win win the Nobel. Please stick around for 20 more years and Sweden will be calling.”

Duflo’s work is all about figuring out what sort of aid programs work and what don’t, so that our aid efforts end up actually helping the poor – basically, she’s taking development work out of the dark age, “we think using leeches to rebalance the humors will help” era of thinking and into an era where scientifically rigorous experiments will let us know what actually does work. In the video above (from the wonderful TED)she explains the sort of work she does, and the results from some of her studies – for instance, in one experiment in Udaipur, India she was able to figure out a way to increase full child immunization six fold for only pennies per child. It’s a very understandable and clear talk, and I highly encourage you to give it 15 minutes of your time.

Ringing endorsement, eh? But let me explain…

Our recent trip to India was:

• Delicious. There wasn’t a single day where we didn’t have great food – of all sorts: chocolate confections at Barista, Maharaja Macs from McDonlds, crazy spicy Indo-Chinese prawns, the best chole bhature both Aditya and I have ever had, endless kabobs cooked to order, and simple-but-amazing home food. I won’t mention how much weight I gained, but let’s just say that there’s a reason I’m now working out six times a week.
• Heart-warming. We saw a lot of family, some of whom I’d never met, as well as a fair number of friends and close teachers that Aditya hadn’t seen since high school. More than once there was a dispute over who we would stay with, or who would get to take us around the city, which was both endearing and a bit awkward (for me).
• Tiring . We visited Delhi, most of the cities of Rajasthan, Agra, Delhi, Bombay, Calcutta, Shantiniketan, and Delhi again in just a little over three weeks. Whew!
• Enchanting. Hands down, I saw and met more amazing places and people on this trip than any other I’ve been on. We took thousands of pictures, and could have easily taken thousands more.
• Full of only-in-India moments. From turning a corner to see a cow giving birth on a narrow street in Jaisalmer (post with graphic pictures to follow in the future) to amazingly incessant begging in Ajmer to traveling on a bus-rickshaw in Calcutta, our trip was filled with times where we’d simply have to turn to each other and laugh.

One thing India wasn’t, however, was hard. Let’s put that in bold:

India, this time around, wasn’t hard.

And that fact really surprised me – so much that it’s taken over a month to write my first post on the trip as I try to figure out why traveling though India wasn’t the challenge that it was the first time.

This is the fourth post from my ten question series on questions and discussions that are particularly important for intercultural or interracial couples to have. All of the posts from this series can be found on the series index, The Ten Questions Every Intercultural Couple Should Discuss.

As all of our friends and family (and, heck, most of you) already know, Aditya and I have this wee little tendency to argue… about everything under the sun. While most of these arguments are playful in nature – the person who’s wrong either owes the other one hundred million dollars or an extra turn at washing the dishes – occasionally one of our arguments can turn quite nasty. We’ve gotten better over the years at discussing things like civilized people (by both of our cultures’ definitions of civilized), but clear, careful communication remains our greatest problem as an intercultural couple.

Talking and debating things – especially about the big issues – can be a challenge for all couples, but intercultural couples can find it especially difficult. When you grow up with dissimilar cultural expectations and social norms, it’s to be expected that your assumptions about what good communication is will be different.

• Is it acceptable to rant and rave and get all your frustrated emotions out during a disagreement, or is it better to stick to the logical facts & reasoning – even if that makes you seem as emotionless as a Vulcan?
• Should you say please & thank you to your close friends and family?
• Can you talk about death or other bad things around the dinner table, or will that lead to bad luck?
• And in all these conversations, what language should you be speaking, anyways?

I’ve written previously on the steps to becoming a good general intercultural communicator, because, well, it’s a hard & long process. It’s one that Aditya and I are still going through, as we figure out how to get past our cultural assumptions about communicating with others and onto the subject of today’s post: identifying what’s stopping you from communicating well with each other – what steps of the communication process are you stumbling over?

Hi Folks, Just letting you know that the Gori Girl forums are now back online. All previous posts on the forums have been restored, and we are now open for posting! ~A

For anyone interested in joining the Spring Gori Girl Meetup in DC (we’re doing this quarterly now), the details are below. All are welcome, and feel free to bring friends if you like.

Who: Anyone who’s interested in coming.

What: A chance to chat in person and get some good food & drinks.

Where: Northside Social Coffee & Wine, 3211 Wilson Blvd., Arlington VA (Orange line, Clarendon stop)

When: I’ll be there at 6:30 pm, at the latest, as will Aditya, and we’ll stay there until at least 7:30 pm. Then, depending on the interest of the group, we will either continue to stay there for dinner (Northside has a small menu) or will go to one of the local restaurants to eat. If you want to come, but are unsure whether you’ll be able to arrive by 7:30, please send me an email at gorigirl.admin@gmail.com, and we’ll figure out something.

Why: Dude. ‘Cause.

Well, we’re back from India! And had the fun of coming back to find the blog hacked and needing a big clean-up. But that’s more or less over (forums will be up this weekend or earlier, with no data lost) – so let’s move on to nicer thoughts… like a spring meetup here in Washington DC!

Americanepali and Andrea have already indicated that they’ll both be available to meet on April 16th, so I’m going to tentatively schedule the meetup for that evening. Anyone else interested in joining in?

Phew! As you may have noticed, the gorigirl.com site has been down intermittently for a few weeks. In case you were wondering… While GG & I were vacationing in India, the blog got hacked, and some malicious javascript code was installed by the hacker to redirect traffic to a malware site. GG & I have [...]

This is the third post from my ten question series on questions and discussions that are particularly important for intercultural or interracial couples to have. All of the posts from this series can be found on the series index, The Ten Questions Every Intercultural Couple Should Discuss.

Seeing the title of this post typed out makes me nervous. Stereotypes – and their less absolute and bigoted cousin, generalizations – make me nervous. And yet, I don’t think we can ignore this massive elephant in the corner when discussing culture – particularly when trying to really get your partner & his or her cultural background. After all, it’s likely that you have heard plenty of generalizations or stereotypes about your own culture, your partner’s culture, and dozens of others. We all know people will judge you based on their stereotypical beliefs about your culture. And sometimes you may end up thinking that a particular individual – or you, yourself – perfectly fit a particular stereotype of a culture.

True story: my husband and I got into an argument last night at one am because of this question. I asked him what his answer would be, after three years of marriage to an American, he answered, and somehow the conversation devolved into a debate on whether Christians in the U.S. see Muslims as more of a threat to their religion than Hindus, and if so, why.

People who know us well will not be surprised at this – a defining aspect of Aditya’s and my marriage is that we have intense debates often. Keeps us on our toes! But discussing this intercultural couple question is almost bound to raise some hackles, as it basically requires each person to criticize the other’s culture and/or country. That’s a feature, not a bug, though. Let me explain…