And socks! P loves to play soccer, and usually leaves his socks right at the front door… so stinky sweaty socks tend to build up over there. He also likes to leave soccer jerseys in the bathroom when taking a shower after a game, and unless I move it, it will just sit there. Socks and jerseys… put them in the laundry basket!!

As for “cleaning up after my husband…”, I am pissed off with cleaning up after my wife (:-). Is it because her mother hand fed her…?

I think one reason for that might be that physical affection shown between spouses in India is not considered acceptable and polite behaviour. A typical bahu will not lay down on a bed or couch next to her spouse and play footsie in front of her in laws, or sit on his lap or hold his hand while the entire family watches TV.

But similar behaviour is considered perfectly acceptable between a mother and teenage son in front of the entire family.

Therefore my conclusion is this need to give and receive physical affection with the opposite sex is projected into the mother-son relationship because it is an acceptable form in that culture.

For myself, I don't know many others in similar situations personally. The only one is my sister in law and we aren't close (yet?). Online I can try to get answers to questions, or just record customs/traditions for later,or vent about what bothers or is confusing to me. Hopefully at the end make sense of things and put it in a larger context. Sharell was putting it in the larger context of male-female roles; perhaps she didn't draw that out strongly enough or you missed it.

If I can't put the issue in a larger context then at least I've let off a little steam as you suggest at the end of your post. Sharell can let off steam in her blog rather than use your forums, right?

Ideally, posts can give me a different way of looking at things. I admit the idea of a parent feeding a perfectly capable adult is a little weird for me. Then, there is Cagey's comment that it is a way of showing affection and can create loving, cozy memories which does change how I'd view the situation.

correlation =/= causation.

my mother hand-fed me when i was little, but that didn't turn me into a crazy person… at least as far as i can tell

I'm a moral realist, so I absolutely believe that actions can be judged as right or wrong across cultures and time. But there's such a thing as context in judging; moral systems built off of the harm principle(which is most of 'em, to a greater or lesser extent) are all about context.

Furthermore, ethical reasoning can't just stop at our moral intuitions, since our moral intuitions are influenced by the culture we grew up in. There's a lot of people out there who get an automatic “ew” in their gut regarding gay couples and gay marriage – but I've never seen a convincing non-religious case against gay marriage or the general acceptance of gays in society. Or against the majority of possible marriages between first-cousins, for that matter.

Finally, I think it's very important to recognize that we get on shakier and shakier ground every time we move along the continuum from “well, I wouldn't do/don't like that” –> “I don't like it that other people do that” –> “I don't think other people should do that –> “You shouldn't do that” –> “I will make it socially unacceptable for you to do that” –> “I will make it illegal for you to do that”.

And I agree…Freud was not a bastion of science. However, he did give good reference and starting points.

And THAT is solid foundation for any good science. By someone observing, analysing and asking questions…and then the smarter person with a chem set and a microscope actually figuring it out. hehe

But yeah, you actually got my point and explained what I was trying to say about the mother/child relationship once the child becomes aware of sexual thoughts in a much better (and shorter!) way then I did.

That being said, I think that in any culture where women's breasts are sexualized – which would be the vast majority of them (certainly any with decent contact with the West) – breastfeeding past the age when children become aware of sexual thoughts & feelings is probably not a good idea. I feel pretty comfortable in saying that there would probably be some (perhaps not much, tho) emotional/mental harm from such a child/mother relationship.

From my perspective, I would have an issue with the child being breast-fed past a certain age. Granted, it’s not hurting me or you if someone else is doing that…but that’s for right NOW. I’m a great believer in Psychology and while I don’t necessarily agree with all of Freud’s conclusions, I do put a lot of stock in the Oedipus conflict.

The Oedipus conflict is defined as a state of psychosexual development and awareness. As will all things, we develop and grow in a certain and specific pattern. Some may learn faster than others, some may transpose the steps to growth, but for a healthy development all steps must occur. Including the dissociation from mother and child with regards to the child’s sexual growth, especially when the child is male. Freud believed that children pass through a stage where they fixate on their mother as a sexual object. However he believes that this was a stage that would be outgrown and learned from and the child would continue on with his normal sexual development.

Whether Freud was dead on with this or not is still up for some debate. However I think it can be shown that too much interference in a man’s life by his mother at crucial stages in his maturity and growth from baby, to child up to becoming a teenager and adult, can cause psychological problems in the future. These psychological problems could affect me or you later down the line.

For me, feeding an adult son is more of a comfort/tradition thing and does not necessarily equate that he will expect it from his wife or be a “momma’s boy” because of it. But I think it makes the chances more likely for issues to occur because his natural progression to adulthood (and therefore the learning of self preservation) has been in some ways stunted.

In the case of breast feeding an older child, I would have issues with this. It makes me uncomfortable if breastfeeding is still occurring with a child that is capable of his/her own version of rational and logical thought. At this point things can be explained and it’s my feeling that this is when the verbal nurturing should begin…replacing the non-verbal nurturing of breastfeeding.

Any thoughts on that? I mean, where do you draw the line?