But I need to point out that you would find this mom son feeding thingi far less in the South of India.

Southern men (with some exception) are taught to stand on their own two feet and don’t get fed when they are adults!

I liked the way you wrote about the hand feeding. I know what you mean.

BTW, in the animal world this happens too. If you watch cardinals (the bird) the adult birds (Male and female) go through this lovey dovey ritual too. The male cardinal (Deep red) would at times bring seeds to the female cardinals(not so red with orangeish beak)and feed the females..while the female cardinal tries to accept it like a baby cardinal. Even when both of them are very close to a bird feeder. If you get the chance to see, it will make you smile. Which I first noticed it, I couldn’t take the grin off my face.

But cultural quirks that don’t harm anyone and don’t affect me? Why should I be bothered about it? Why should I make judgments about ‘em? It’s truly not worth my mental energy – and I think we would all be better off if everyone had a more carefree attitude in this regard.

She is the one who has to put up with uncivilized behavior by some people towards her in public, the traffic, the pollution, and all the other nastiness that urban India has to offer. And she does it all with a smile -most of the time anyway- atleast that’s the impression that one gets from her blog.

Do you really think you can live in India and enjoy it the way she does ? I dare say that you’d be less accepting of Indian “cultural quirks.” It’s one thing to live in the U.S. while married to an educated, sophisticated Indian man. Actually living in India is quite a different deal altogether.

regards,

For all the ladies I would suggest an experiment. Have henna tattoos on your hand. and ask your hubby or other loved ones in family to feed you Indian food. Observe the love in his / their eyes, taking utmost care to prepare the kaur ( hindi; piece of food in their hands) taking utmost care that he/she feeds you properly without effecting your facial makeup, waiting till you have eaten it, supplying water with the glass and so on.

I am poor in English so can’t describe the whole experience. Please forgive …

Meanwhile these things happen in INDIA only. Rest of the world is moving very fast and people seldom have such leisure time to experience the love while feeding or getting fed by someone who loves them.

It’s a common thing for mothers to prepare their child for primary school in morning, dressing them, feeding them and whatever. Sometimes when my 9 year old niece becomes angry over me, I feed her food by my hands at dinner and sing her a lullaby or tell her a story before she is asleep. My grandparents and parents have told me stories and sung lullaby in my childhood.

However my western friends find it rare to having such experience. Most of them take drinks after office ( both male and female), sometimes reach home when their children have already slept. And Divorce plus court cases regarding division of credit bills and properties with the spouse is a common thing for them. I know three western pairs who have children, but have not married just for the fear of divorce. It’s an awkward situation. Dating somebody and having a 4-5 years child with the person without experiencing the real love.

Sometimes I beg to differ from their definition of love. Love is more than making Sex. They are much wealthier than me but they are all alone, no family kind of thing. Their daily terminology includes Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Biological father of the child, Biological mother etc. Asian colleagues in office more talk of their family, experiences etc. Western colleagues normally talk things of what they are up to, subjects like those from Jerry Springer Show, courtroom shows in US etc.

The western people plan separation ( when someone of them breaking from partner) They talk about division of credit bills, lease, car, documentation and court processes. However in a similar situation, the Indians suggest how to makeup with the partner, persuade her/him and basically speaking against separation most of the time.

Two clearly different ways of handling a similar situation I have experienced in my office. I think use of Drugs & Alcohol, nuclear life is a big issue in my western friends. and at separation the biggest issues are co-signed loans, cars, leases, property, Child support money, children custody, restraining orders etc.

On the other hand the Indian friends most live a kind of family life with close circle of relatives etc. Even nuclear families form strong relationships in their neighborhood. I think west gained much in terms of power, wealth and development but they are losing the family and the extended family system all together.

And socks! P loves to play soccer, and usually leaves his socks right at the front door… so stinky sweaty socks tend to build up over there. He also likes to leave soccer jerseys in the bathroom when taking a shower after a game, and unless I move it, it will just sit there. Socks and jerseys… put them in the laundry basket!!

As for “cleaning up after my husband…”, I am pissed off with cleaning up after my wife (:-). Is it because her mother hand fed her…?

I think one reason for that might be that physical affection shown between spouses in India is not considered acceptable and polite behaviour. A typical bahu will not lay down on a bed or couch next to her spouse and play footsie in front of her in laws, or sit on his lap or hold his hand while the entire family watches TV.

But similar behaviour is considered perfectly acceptable between a mother and teenage son in front of the entire family.

Therefore my conclusion is this need to give and receive physical affection with the opposite sex is projected into the mother-son relationship because it is an acceptable form in that culture.

For myself, I don't know many others in similar situations personally. The only one is my sister in law and we aren't close (yet?). Online I can try to get answers to questions, or just record customs/traditions for later,or vent about what bothers or is confusing to me. Hopefully at the end make sense of things and put it in a larger context. Sharell was putting it in the larger context of male-female roles; perhaps she didn't draw that out strongly enough or you missed it.

If I can't put the issue in a larger context then at least I've let off a little steam as you suggest at the end of your post. Sharell can let off steam in her blog rather than use your forums, right?

Ideally, posts can give me a different way of looking at things. I admit the idea of a parent feeding a perfectly capable adult is a little weird for me. Then, there is Cagey's comment that it is a way of showing affection and can create loving, cozy memories which does change how I'd view the situation.

correlation =/= causation.

my mother hand-fed me when i was little, but that didn't turn me into a crazy person… at least as far as i can tell