Okay, I’m a huge supporter of researching your significant other’s culture and understanding cultural differences, but let’s just put this one out there: worrying about intercultural quirks can be taken too far. There’s reasonable concern, and then there’s fretting over – or being shocked by – cultural differences that, in the end, don’t really matter. Basically, Internet, I’m saying you shouldn’t get your tighty-whities in a wad over the smaller cultural differences or customs you discover in your intercultural relationships.
(And no, it’s not all small stuff – but there’s more small stuff than the amount of complaining would suggest.)
I was inspired to write this rant piece after reading a blog post over at Diary of a White Indian Housewife called Indian Men Being Hand Fed By Mummy, that, well, surprised me with the attitude of cultural bias or ethnocentrism it seemed to be expressing:
I’m fully aware that Indian mothers often hand feed their sons until they are quite old. However, I was shocked (and even a little appalled) that an adult man could still be getting hand fed by his mother!
…
Now, I’m wondering what is normal in India in relation to this kind of behaviour. What will happen when the 30 year old Peter Pan man, who’s still being hand fed, gets married. Will his wife be expected to take over feeding duties? Or will his mother keep doing it? Or, will he finally become a grown up and start feeding himself?
I generally love Sharell’s posts, which is why I was so surprised at the overtones of ethnocentrism in the words above (do be sure to over to her site to read the full post in context – and note that the post is tagged “culture shock”). Ethnocentrism, by the way, can most simply be seen as an attitude that judges other cultures relative to your own. And while it can be very difficult to shake these sort of prejudices and generalizations – as I’ve blogged about before – I do think it’s important to constantly evaluate our thoughts on other cultures to see if we’re letting our natural ethnocentrism run a bit too wild.
In this case, before you go all, “Dude, who does that?” on me about the hand feeding thing, take a deep breath, and run through the three point checklist of the official Intercultural Quirks Harm Test:
- Does the behavior itself hurt anyone?
- If you didn’t know the behavior was occurring, would it affect you in any way?
- Is the behavior a significant disruption in your relationship?
This checklist works pretty well in helping me, at least, figure out when I’m being a bit too judgmental about a cultural behavior that really isn’t worth being bugged about. (Of course, there are bigger, more problematic intercultural differences that you do need to address to keep your relationship running smoothly, but that’s not the topic of discussion today.)
So, being hand-fed by your mom after puberty. That’s the topic of discussion, especially since when I asked Aditya whether he still got this treatment, he got a goofy little happy grin on his face, and said “sometimes.” And, to just keep things fair and balanced, I’ll admit to behavior that shocked Aditya when I first told him: I only talked to my parents on the phone once during the nine months I lived and worked in Germany. And that once was on my 18th birthday. Yeah, my family kinda takes the whole American “adult child is independent from parents” thing to a bit of an extreme.
Is anyone being harmed by the action?
This is the key question you should ask yourself first – and no coping out by complaining about the psychic pain you feel when you see your spouse being hand-fed by his mother. Is anyone getting really hurt – either physically or emotionally? Remember to step outside of yourself and your cultural framework and look to see if there’s actual harm occurring or just your own assumptions about what is and isn’t harmful.
Americans might look at an adult being hand-fed, and think that he’s emotionally stunted and immature – while I’m pretty certain that Aditya and his mother just see it as way to be close and show love and affection. On the other hand, I’m pretty certain my parents thought they were showing their love by letting me stand on my own two feet while I lived in Germany, without them breathing down my neck with phone calls all the time. The lack of phone calls suited me just fine – but Aditya was horrified when he found out how little we spoke to one another. His family would be extremely hurt if he called them so rarely.
If you didn’t know it was happening, would the ripple effects still bug you?
Obviously, if you’re in a position to get your knickers in a knot about an intercultural quirk, you know about the behavior. But let’s go hypothetical for a moment, and imagine you didn’t know. Would the behavior still matter? Clearly, there are cases where it would – Aditya could expect me to feed him like his mother does, which would affect our relationship (negatively) even if I never knew his mother still hand feeds him. Or I could upset his family by talking with them on the phone as little as I do with my own parents.
However, if this odd cultural behavior of your significant other doesn’t clearly affect your life – if you wouldn’t know about it if you hadn’t seen or heard about it yourself – then it’s a bit silly to let your ethnocentric perception of the behavior to rule over your relationship. In other words, I shouldn’t think Aditya is childish or immature just because his mother still feeds him – unless his actions in our relationship give me reason to think otherwise. Likewise, Aditya would be wrong to judge me as unloving or uncaring about family members just because I don’t speak to my family that often on the phone – it’s just that we don’t feel the need to talk much on the phone.
Is it something that irritates you, regardless?
Okay – so the behavior isn’t damaging or hurting anyone, and the behavior alone doesn’t affect your relationship – so how could it still be causing a significant disruption in your relationship? Well… people are funny creatures. Sometimes certain things just bug us, even if there’s no actual harm that they cause.
This isn’t a cultural quirk – just a personal one – but, for example, Aditya has a remarkable ability to hide his socks around the house in the process of taking them off at the end of a long day. I don’t know how he manages to end up with them wedged between the two bookcases, or bunched in the technology odds & ends basket, or in a feat of what must be magic, hidden beneath the 50-pound bag of dog food in the closet, but, somehow, he does it every night after coming home from work. It drives me spare! It’s not like it harms anything, since, really, what’s one more misplaced item in the mess of dog toys and papers strewn across our chaotic household? It’s completely irrational for me to be bugged about it, especially since he’s quick to pick it up when I point out a misplaced sock to him. But, nonetheless, it’s one of his most irritating habits to me – and so it’s one he’s working on changing, simply because I’ve let him know how much it happens to bug me.
So, far be it for me to say that you should never get your knickers in a twist over something irrational. But don’t let yourself pretend that a dislike of a particular difference – cultural or not – is based on something rational when it’s not. You might really dislike seeing your spouse hand-fed by his mother; maybe it just weirds you the heck out. That’s fine – I’m not going to judge you on that. But just because something weirds you out doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. And so, if you can, just ignore those little things that irritate or worry you. (Obviously I can’t with The Misplaced Socks. Proof #3152 that I am still not a demigoddess. But we should all keep trying.) If there’s no harm – either to the people doing it or to your relationship through the ripple effect – then just take a deep breath (spend it ranting for a few minutes in the forums, then take another deep breath), straighten out those underoos, and live and let live.
5. June 2009 at 3:32 pm
Manoj loves hand-feeding our children – both our daughter and our son. He has said more than once, his mother hand-feeding him was one of his most precious memories. She is now deceased and I suspect he likes carrying on the tradition.
Also, the sock thing? Must be an Indian thing. I have sort of given up on hope that all the socks will find a single resting place. Talk about picking one's battles. Sigh.
5. June 2009 at 3:35 pm
GG….very good post and I was glad to see it.
I'd actually been toying around with writing a post on this topic myself, however did not have the resource of the “official” handbook so was flying by the seat of my bunched up panties. hehe
I have never been exposed to that particular quirk of mother feeding a much older child, however, to each his own. My opinion is that this is not so much a cultural thing as it is a regional or traditional one. I'll attempt to explain my opinion. Feeding someone else (as couples know) is a bonding experience. Perhaps one mother did this and others perceived it. Perhaps they then decided to indoctrinate this in their own home. Swish, Bam, Boom and you have a tradition.
Or perhaps I'm wrong…which has been known to happen on occasion.
5. June 2009 at 7:27 pm
Well said.
I know this may sound strange – but I grew up in a culture where drinking is discouraged (and even abhorred) – so when I started going out with a man where his culture dictated the opposite, I was a little dismayed. But I got over it pretty fast. Much of our “prejudices” against certain customs is really just because we've never been exposed to anything else, and we often equate it with inferiority/negativity. Being truly open-minded is when you put yourself in someone else's shoes, and realize things are not black and white in real life.
6. June 2009 at 10:22 am
Good post. Thanks.
6. June 2009 at 10:56 am
Hey GC
I've been an avid follower of your blog…really liked this article ! great advice! Keep up the good work !
Cheers
Desi_Dude
6. June 2009 at 11:24 am
Well, I think its easier not to get our chaddis in a bunch when we are the majority. In Sherell's case, she is the minority living in a country surrounded by a majority with habits and customs that are not what she is used to, and, as she is living in THEIR country, she feels obliged to try to figure stuff out, understand it, and possibly even to CONFORM to it.
Hence, ex-pats will be the one to get their chaddis in a bunch more than pats, and that makes sense.
6. June 2009 at 12:37 pm
I understand that a lot of that post could simply be the result of culture shock – I, too, have spent my share of time complaining about the behaviors & customs of the country around me when living abroad – so I'm willing to give her a fair amount of leeway here, as I hope came through in my post.
That doesn't, however, make what she wrote right. For instance, consider her rhetorical question, “Or, will he finally become a grown up and start feeding himself?”. The only connection between “being a grown up” and “feeding oneself” comes from cultural assumptions about what sort of behaviors are and aren't appropriate for adults. But those assumptions are incredibly fluid things – it changes depending on where you are, and even when you are. Go only a few decades back in the US and you find that cultural beliefs that it's wrong for adult woman to show much of their bare legs – children, fine, adults, no – one would be “shocked (and even a little appalled) that an adult” woman would do such a thing.
Now, if a woman wanted to show her bare legs or wear pants or whatever – and cultural norms & assumptions disallowed her to do so, that'd be problematic. I'm certainly glad that today women have much more personal freedom. But I think that it's equally problematic for a mother to not be able to feed her adult son, if that's what she (and he) wishes to do (as long as no harm, etc, etc) because of cultural norms & assumptions that it's wrong of her to do so, or to want to do so. Personal freedom works in both directions.
6. June 2009 at 1:53 pm
“That doesn't, however, make what she wrote right.”
And it doesn't make what she wrote wrong, either.
I took it as tongue-in-cheek. She was being funny. Actually making light of the situation.
Social commentary with humor. That is often the only way to approach social commentary, because so much of what goes on in any society or culture is downright hilarious when you think about it.
As far as shorts being “shocking” here a few decades ago. A few decades ago would have been the 1980s. Nobody was shocked by shorts in the 80s. Maybe in the 1940s. But certainly not after 1960.
6. June 2009 at 2:14 pm
Well, I do think what she wrote is wrong. She doesn't even know this guy, but she feels free to call him a “Peter Pan” and imply that he's not a grown up because of this behavior. That's rude, and shows a narrow point of view which, while understandable in the context of culture shock, is not admirable. The guy's behavior is only “wrong” when looked at through her particular cultural lens. Being hand-fed by your mother past childhood is just as wrong as my behavior of speaking to my parents only rarely – that is, it's not wrong at all within the context of the situation.
I'm not a cultural relativist by any means, but I think it's pretty damn stupid to judge these sort of smaller cultural differences that do no harm to others – and, in fact, are a way that people show their love for one another.
And, um, “few” doesn't equal three. It simply means a small number, i.e., not many. Anyways, it's a silly thing to quibble about.
6. June 2009 at 4:37 pm
Well, I see your point, however, I didn't take her comment too seriously. I know that the internet is a place for the exchange of ideas and opinions, but we are not going to change peoples views over some comments on the net. People generally have to grow though experience. Experience is the best teacher.
Sharrell's doing pretty damn good from what I can tell, being the situation she is in. It takes years before some of the stuff in India no longer “phases” one, for those who take up living there. (Coming and going is a totally different phenomena altogether. And I'm sure the same holds true for ex-pats from other countries who come to the US.
I remeber when I was living there day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year, some things wear on you after a while and you get to the point where even little things annoy you because its like a part of the package of the bigger stuff which is what is REALLY annoying you.
I don't know if thats her case right now, but if it is, I can relate. The only remedy is to live and breath through it or take a vacation out for a while (if shes able to, I was not).
Its probably impossible to divorce our cultural conditionings from our life experiences and cease to compare one experience with another.
But then its probably not even that deep. Its probably just a comment made in passing.
6. June 2009 at 11:00 pm
Wow, this is interesting to know that my post has provoked such an in depth discussion. First of all, my comments are definitely tongue in cheek and are not designed to cause offense. My Peter Pan reference isn't intended to be rude. I even call my husband Peter Pan from time to time, as a joke (because in many ways he is like the boy who never grew up as a result of all the mothering he received). I must admit don't even know what the definition of ethnocentrism is, and don't even think along those terms.
My thoughts were directed at the WIDER fact that a lot of Indian mothering does result in many Indian men in India not being able to look after themselves very independently — which, if you want to consider the “checklist”, I do consider to be a bit of a “problem”.
The Indian mothers who hand feed their sons until they are adults tend to do most other things for them too — like picking up after them and waiting on them, and other things that a mother would do for a child. Fine, if the mother wants to do that. But it tends to create more work for the wife when they get married.
Personally, I spend so much time cleaning up after my husband because he just doesn't do things for himself. His father thinks his mother has spoiled him, and his sisters tell me he is lazy and I must make him help out around the house (of course his sisters say this in a loving way, knowing they were fully part of the problem in the first place by bringing him chai in bed etc).
I accept that's the way it is though. I've chosen him to be my husband fully aware of how he is (and on the positive side of it, I think all the love and attention he's received from his mother has made him a very stable and loving person).
You don't see Indian girls being hand fed by their mothers though. They are always encouraged to help out and be independent. My husband says his friend's sister has now come from Kolkata, and is not pleased that the mother is still hand feeding him. My husband has also commented that his friend is of course lazy, and avoids doing things for himself.
These days, Indian women don't have time to look after their husbands in the same manner as their mothers do. Indian women have so many more responsibilities.
I'm all for love being shown, and really don't have a problem with that aspect of the feeding. I'm not weirded out. The sons should also be taught to look after themselves though. If a balance between both can be found, great!
7. June 2009 at 2:56 pm
Sharrell, I guess we're just gettin' our undies in a bunch over not getting our undies in a bunch! ha ha.
Undies are an imperialist piece of clothing anyway.
7. June 2009 at 10:45 pm
I have read Sharrell's blog/post I found it interesting because I did not know that at all I thought once they got to certain age as baby/toddler they stopped, I also under stand where GG is coming from as well I see both points. I know someone who breast feed to son up until age 5 when I first say this I was like OMG but they I stepped back and thought it's not hurting me dose not affect me or anyone else so who care I learned this early on back when I was in my mid to late teens, I when I see something different I just step back in think.
8. June 2009 at 12:18 am
Yeah but come on, theres only so much stepping back one can do before one falls into a monsoon puddle.
I think we as westerners are waaaaaaay to concerned with being politically correct. Its so not real.
We should not be judgemental or overly-critical, but no need to go to super human lengths either when we feel in our gut something is “ew”.
Forget 5 years old! I know of cases where ma's pulled out their boobs for kids in their teens!
I've seen it with my own eyes. And no, it didn't hurt me, but come on, I'm not going to say thats not weird just so someone doesn't get offended. It was weird. The mom also thought he was too old (13) but he insisted, “you're my Ma!”… and yeah, I, the auntie, was in the room.
And yes, its going in the book!
8. June 2009 at 1:16 pm
WOw 13 now that is old for the ma to whip out her booby to feed him, I'm by no means politically correct I far from it, I think with that ma and her 13yrs old that is weird but hey it's thier life and not mind it is ummm strange but maybe to them it' s “normal”, I don't know why something just don't bother or suprise me, is it maybe because I'm an army brat meaning I grew up in the army life my dad was in the army for over 20yrs, so I have been exposed to tons of different customs and things. Another thing I know that some peeps would get their undies in huge bunch but my bff has to two dads one is her bio dad and the other is her dad in name only, she did not know this other guy was her dad till she was 16, I mean her bio dad lived with her and her fmaily slept in the same bed @ times with her mom and other dad she even looks like her bio dad. I even knew the first time I meet her family when were in Middle school but I never said word, at frist I was like ewwwwww this is sick strnage but as we became better friends and best friends I learned not to let it bother me plus my mom told me that for them this is normal and not everyone live by one way,so I embreaced things that are different, when we got to high school somepeople question this I TOLD them its whatever if you don't like it them to talk to her or me. Her fmaily became my second family her mom became my other mom and her two dads became my other dads. I think that we can all learn from different cultres.
8. June 2009 at 2:15 pm
And here is where we run into a problem…
From my perspective, I would have an issue with the child being breast-fed past a certain age. Granted, it’s not hurting me or you if someone else is doing that…but that’s for right NOW. I’m a great believer in Psychology and while I don’t necessarily agree with all of Freud’s conclusions, I do put a lot of stock in the Oedipus conflict.
The Oedipus conflict is defined as a state of psychosexual development and awareness. As will all things, we develop and grow in a certain and specific pattern. Some may learn faster than others, some may transpose the steps to growth, but for a healthy development all steps must occur. Including the dissociation from mother and child with regards to the child’s sexual growth, especially when the child is male. Freud believed that children pass through a stage where they fixate on their mother as a sexual object. However he believes that this was a stage that would be outgrown and learned from and the child would continue on with his normal sexual development.
Whether Freud was dead on with this or not is still up for some debate. However I think it can be shown that too much interference in a man’s life by his mother at crucial stages in his maturity and growth from baby, to child up to becoming a teenager and adult, can cause psychological problems in the future. These psychological problems could affect me or you later down the line.
For me, feeding an adult son is more of a comfort/tradition thing and does not necessarily equate that he will expect it from his wife or be a “momma’s boy” because of it. But I think it makes the chances more likely for issues to occur because his natural progression to adulthood (and therefore the learning of self preservation) has been in some ways stunted.
In the case of breast feeding an older child, I would have issues with this. It makes me uncomfortable if breastfeeding is still occurring with a child that is capable of his/her own version of rational and logical thought. At this point things can be explained and it’s my feeling that this is when the verbal nurturing should begin…replacing the non-verbal nurturing of breastfeeding.
Any thoughts on that? I mean, where do you draw the line?
8. June 2009 at 2:26 pm
Well, I wouldn't go quoting Freud if you want psychology to be taken seriously as a science-driven approach to the human mind; while he may have been reaching towards accurate theories, he sure as hell wasn't doing science. Personally, I wouldn't give any more credit to his theories than I would to evolutionary psychology “just-so” stories – they're interesting, and there may be some truth there, but you shouldn't use them as any sort of “proof” or as a hard & fast rule.
That being said, I think that in any culture where women's breasts are sexualized – which would be the vast majority of them (certainly any with decent contact with the West) – breastfeeding past the age when children become aware of sexual thoughts & feelings is probably not a good idea. I feel pretty comfortable in saying that there would probably be some (perhaps not much, tho) emotional/mental harm from such a child/mother relationship.
8. June 2009 at 2:42 pm
And I agree…Freud was not a bastion of science. However, he did give good reference and starting points.
And THAT is solid foundation for any good science. By someone observing, analysing and asking questions…and then the smarter person with a chem set and a microscope actually figuring it out.
hehe
But yeah, you actually got my point and explained what I was trying to say about the mother/child relationship once the child becomes aware of sexual thoughts in a much better (and shorter!) way then I did.
8. June 2009 at 2:49 pm
In my mind, it's not a matter of whether you're being politically correct or not; it's a question of whether you're in a fair position to judge certain actions, and, moreover, take actions to change others to fit your perception of what is right. And I think it's reasonable to consider condemning an action in a public forum – such as a blog – is such an attempt to change others.
I'm a moral realist, so I absolutely believe that actions can be judged as right or wrong across cultures and time. But there's such a thing as context in judging; moral systems built off of the harm principle(which is most of 'em, to a greater or lesser extent) are all about context.
Furthermore, ethical reasoning can't just stop at our moral intuitions, since our moral intuitions are influenced by the culture we grew up in. There's a lot of people out there who get an automatic “ew” in their gut regarding gay couples and gay marriage – but I've never seen a convincing non-religious case against gay marriage or the general acceptance of gays in society. Or against the majority of possible marriages between first-cousins, for that matter.
Finally, I think it's very important to recognize that we get on shakier and shakier ground every time we move along the continuum from “well, I wouldn't do/don't like that” –> “I don't like it that other people do that” –> “I don't think other people should do that –> “You shouldn't do that” –> “I will make it socially unacceptable for you to do that” –> “I will make it illegal for you to do that”.
8. June 2009 at 2:54 pm
Yes, I realize that living in a different culture is completely different from – and much more challenging than – talking about it abstractly. *shrug* I tried to make that come through in my criticism of the post. Also, that post is far from the first I've seen where I thought there was some unnecessary judging going on; it's just the latest one that came to mind when I started thinking about writing my post.
8. June 2009 at 3:02 pm
If one's husband is lazy because he's used to having his mother do everything for him – and this laziness causes strain on the relationship – then I think it's a problem that clearly falls under my second point: If you didn’t know the behavior was occurring, would it affect you in any way? I'm not trying to dismiss those sort of concerns. However, I've read – and personally heard – so much complaining about various intercultural quirks that really don't seem to be a problem, other than that they're “different” (“he talks to his mom too much”, “he insists on taking off his shoes when he gets home”, “she doesn't like to wear American clothes”) that I thought a reality check post was in order. Sorry if it seemed like I was ganging up on you unfairly; your post was just the latest in a string of many.
8. June 2009 at 7:30 pm
I think there's a distinction to be made between the affection shown by the mother and the result of that on the son (in this case)… its not necessarily the hand feeding that turned the boy (now man) into a lazy-pants… but it certainly seems to have fed it.
correlation =/= causation.
my mother hand-fed me when i was little, but that didn't turn me into a crazy person… at least as far as i can tell
9. June 2009 at 9:15 am
I don't think that the original post was that bad. I think part of it goes back to the question of “Why do I blog?”
For myself, I don't know many others in similar situations personally. The only one is my sister in law and we aren't close (yet?). Online I can try to get answers to questions, or just record customs/traditions for later,or vent about what bothers or is confusing to me. Hopefully at the end make sense of things and put it in a larger context. Sharell was putting it in the larger context of male-female roles; perhaps she didn't draw that out strongly enough or you missed it.
If I can't put the issue in a larger context then at least I've let off a little steam as you suggest at the end of your post. Sharell can let off steam in her blog rather than use your forums, right?
Ideally, posts can give me a different way of looking at things. I admit the idea of a parent feeding a perfectly capable adult is a little weird for me. Then, there is Cagey's comment that it is a way of showing affection and can create loving, cozy memories which does change how I'd view the situation.
9. June 2009 at 10:27 am
What I saw in India between many mothers and sons was the sort of non-sexual behaviour I have seen growing up in the west between romantic partners like boyfriends and girlfriends, lovers and spouses.
I think one reason for that might be that physical affection shown between spouses in India is not considered acceptable and polite behaviour. A typical bahu will not lay down on a bed or couch next to her spouse and play footsie in front of her in laws, or sit on his lap or hold his hand while the entire family watches TV.
But similar behaviour is considered perfectly acceptable between a mother and teenage son in front of the entire family.
Therefore my conclusion is this need to give and receive physical affection with the opposite sex is projected into the mother-son relationship because it is an acceptable form in that culture.
10. June 2009 at 2:17 am
Right, @. So many prejudices like this started melting away when I started travelling across continents on work. Other than simple things like drinking, other things like 'partners'. Our managers in three different countries (including in India – it was an INGO) regularly claimed all employee benefits in the name of their partners to whom they were not married. Pretty run-of-the-mill, but maybe I would've been scandalised earlier if I had not been exposed. Also, other everyday things like a country director who had a same-sex partner in another country. Travelling does a world of good (pun intended) by way of opening up your mind, like nothing else can.
10. June 2009 at 2:28 am
Insightful, Sharell. The last part of your comment pointed to the real story – the disparity in the treatment of boys & girls when they are young. Funny thing is, most parents/siblings agree on the need to make the young man less lazy, but don't do anything about it. As for the act itself, feeding a small child may be the norm, but not for older ones – we are already weaning our 9-year old son away from it, though his grandmother still insists on hand-feeding him (“otherwise he'll not eat & get skinny…”).
As for “cleaning up after my husband…”, I am pissed off with cleaning up after my wife (:-). Is it because her mother hand fed her…?
10. June 2009 at 2:34 am
Good of you to step back to get a better perspective. However, aren't you still generalizing when you remark “once THEY got to certain age… THEY stopped…”. Hand-feeding a progeny beyond a certain age may be practiced in different regions in different cultures, and India is a melting pot of cultures. East & West and North & South may be totally different in some respects, and even specific communities living within those regions may maintain different practices than the 'host' culture.
10. June 2009 at 2:40 am
Well said, GG. In some countries and cultures gay relations still IS a “ew” (just go to Indian villages). So does that mean the people involved 'need not be politically correct' and can continue abusing gay relations? As someone (you?) indicated above, tolerance has to work both ways – you can't “ew” me for my supposed quirks and, in the same breath, pillory me for “ew”-ing some of your own quirks or practices.
11. September 2009 at 10:03 am
I can identify with the phone thing. My family all lives in the same time zone, and I can go through long stretches without calling. I call my sisters and grandmother a bit more than before just because of the ease of cell phone communication and getting stuck in traffic, but when I am abroad, I might go 6 months without calling. P’s family, on the other hand, call about once a week, no matter what. I don’t usually volunteer to jump on the phone to chat, simply because if I don’t feel the need to talk to my family that much, I also don’t really feel the need to talk to his all the time either. Yet I think they were a bit hurt by this… and P’s dad started saying, “C has forgotten us” if I didn’t talk to them for quite a while, so now I have to be more careful about this.
And socks! P loves to play soccer, and usually leaves his socks right at the front door… so stinky sweaty socks tend to build up over there. He also likes to leave soccer jerseys in the bathroom when taking a shower after a game, and unless I move it, it will just sit there. Socks and jerseys… put them in the laundry basket!!