I think for me, it was easier getting married and having a baby in China than it could have been, due to the fact that I’d already lived here for quite few years before I met my husband, and was somewhat used to China and Chinese ways. If I had just come into this as someone who fell in love with someone who just happened to be from another culture, rather than falling in love with the culture first, and then falling in love with a person from that culture, I think adjusting would have been much more difficult. As it is, yes, the things like how much clothing our son wears, what to do when he gets a cold, and recently whether or not to keep the windows open (in -10C weather, I might add. Ahem), cause small tensions that I couldn’t have anticipated. We try to laugh over our differences mostly and not take each other too seriously. I was blessed with a husband who is very open and who is not easily ruffled by cultural issues. We both bend a lot.

Anyhow, I look forward to reading more when you are less busy. And do add my blog to your list, I think that a lot of you who have Indian spouses/boyfriends have a lot in common with me, despite the fact that the two cultures are quite different, China and India do share some commonalities in the fact that they are both very large, mostly conservative, traditional societies that are rapidly developing. So I definitely enjoy reading the different, yet similar, take on things.

I really admire you for raising a kid in a different country and culture, away from many of your support systems! My office mate is Chinese, and has a child with his long-term girlfriend, who is white, so I hear quite a bit from him about the differences in typical Chinese and American attitudes towards child-rearing. The biggest differences seem to be in those little “common sense” things – I remember noticing that when I was working as an Au Pair in Germany too. They always wanted kids bundled up to sweating when it was just slightly chilly outside!

Aditya and I aren’t quite at the raising kids stage, but both his older siblings and mine are starting to procreate – it’s very interesting to see how our different families are handling the babies and toddlers.

sf’s comment was quite perceptive, however. My husband and I have a one year old son, and I definitely think that cultural issues tend to grow when kids come into the picture. Western and Asian cultures have some vastly different ideas of how children should be raised, not to mention different attitude towards pregnancy and childbith. It makes things interesting to say the least!

I’d love to add this site to my blogroll, if that’s ok.

I have a quick question for you too – in your original comment you said you were both “…academic types” – does this mean you’re in academia, or just like acadmic topics? Both are totally cool, but I was just wondering because I’m currently in a Ph.D program.

@ galaxie: I had a lot of friends in high school who had come to the US as children – they always seemed so Americanized, except for those few times when they didn’t, if that makes any sense. And those few times normally happened when I saw them outside of big social settings – like at home with their parents, or when there were just a few people around. Maybe there’s something similar going on with you and your guy?

I think he seems “more Indian” to me now than he did for the years we were just friends. Maybe I just have exposure to more different parts of his life than I used to. He pretty much knows how to live both ways, and chooses a mix of the two.

In fact, if you’re open to more topic requests, here are two for you: (1) How are you dealing with language issues? Are you trying to learn any indian language(s)? Do you have any thoughts on whether your kids (if you plan to have any) will be raised bilingual, and if so, how? (2) I got the impression – although I might be wrong – that your husband’s parents live in India. Any thoughts on how things will work as they get older? Are there any things you’re doing now to plan for times when they might have increasing health problems and it will be hard to be so far from them?

Anyways, keep up the writing! And congrats on the wedding – the photo you posted is gorgeous!

Seriously, though, milk-warming type differences are the most common type of things that come up for Aditya and I as well. But I think this is partly because he’s really adapted well to living in the US – it wasn’t until I visited India that I realized just how many changes he’s had to get used to.

So… if I am a white American who grew up entirely stateside, and my husband was born and raised in southern India with a different native tongue, religion, diet, and everything else… but, the differences that come up for us are most often of the warmed-milk variety (as adults, both secularly-oriented academic types)… does that mean we’re not in an ICR after all?

I do wonder sometimes how much might come up later that we just haven’t noticed yet – for example, when we have kids. For now, though, nothing’s been as big an issue as anything that came up with previous S.O.’s with whom I had fundamental disagreements on, say, how to save and spend money, or the value of living in the city versus the country.

Rachel, thanks for stopping by & leaving a comment. I’m glad you like what I’m doing here – if you have any questions, or content you’d like to see on the blog, feel free to shoot me an email.

Anne, you’re right that the religious aspect of your marriage certainly makes you pretty intercultural. That hadn’t quite clicked for me!