Comments on: Wearing Sindoor as a White Woman

By: Pinky

Pinky — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:54:38 +0000

There is no harm if someone wears sindoor or garland etc. if it makes them feel happily married or fertile or whatever. It is absolutely respectable. This forum is not about the ususal marriage rituals which you do only once like garland exchange etc. The discussion is about the necessity of carrying marriage symbol like sindoor to symbolise fertility etc. and I think its a personal choice.

The only unfair and narrowmindedness is when people try to make it mandatory for women who don’t feel the need for it. Anybody who isn’t ignorant would agree that this happens in many parts of India that married women who are not wearing it are looked down by conservative society. I also like to see the positive side of everything and judge any woman based on her individual self rather than if she wears something which symbolizes something else, for me that makes no difference.

By: Sunil Kumar Dogra

Sunil Kumar Dogra — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 06:13:05 +0000

Charmers and magicians are continuously casting magical spell from inside Rajasthan Police Force. I, my friends and relatives have been suffering for more than six years. Already reported the case with Delhi Police. What I believe is that they have murdered not only my maternal uncle (Nanaji), but many people nearby me. Please help me, I am in urgent need. Moola Ram is the name of person who is over there taking full advantage of Reserved Force from inside without caring for any legal proceeding and constitutional laws. If you have any review, please revert to me with some help.

Sunil Kumar Dogra

By: Helga

Helga — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:16:35 +0000

I don’t think this is an arguement as much as a discussion. And as for being argumentative as seen as an Indian trait-racist much? Many of the comments are from-Gori girls. I heard about the marking of conquered people by blood on the head. Want to look up the origen of the Christmas Tree? It’s pagan. It’s the meaning for you-now. I was told the sindoor itself constitutes a marriage if applied with even a murti as witness. I watch a lot of soaps.The exchange of garlands is also important. Should I now develope a fear of flowers? Sindoor shows that a woman is now married and able to wield her fertility,like the river Ganga. The loha,my husband says,is a symbol of strength and also very egalitarian since even the poorest can afford an iron bangle. I prefer to listen to my husband in this and think of the good rather than look for the bad.

By: Helga

Helga — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 19:22:06 +0000

People get so bent out of shape over the touching of the feet. Do it to my husband? Not a chance. But I did do it to all the older relatives. And it’s a pantomime farce,really. You reach to touch them and they immediately grab you and demur,blessing you on the head
which is what you are requesting by the act in the first place. No big deal unless you’re pregnant when nobody expects heroics. But then,I have worn saris since I was 16,just because I liked them. I was never a good American. I’m Austrian and tradition is very comfortable for me.

By: Helga

Helga — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 19:14:44 +0000

I wear 12 bangles on the left arm and 8 on the other.They are sized to my personal size so difficult to take off-so I don’t. The left arm is where the Loha goes and I have 4, one from my husband,1 from my in-laws,1 my mother-in-law passed down to me a few years ago that was her mother’s,and one given when we last visited Kolkata by a close relative.I guess I don’t look in the mirror often enough to notice if I have a band on my face.I also wear 2 or 3 necklaces at any given time,one being a Mangal Sutra,one a plain favorite gold chain,and today,a short chain with a Kali from Siliguri.I wear it when I need extra protection. I also wear my ankle bracelets and 2 toe rings. None of it gives me any trouble except for my 7 ear piercings. I always have to take the bottom 2 out at night. Yup-I’m a regulation Bengali wife-sort of.

By: Helga

Helga — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:59:54 +0000

Rotflmaoyst.

Marvelous. I’m sure I’ve seen that movie more than once.

By: Chetan

Chetan — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:29:11 +0000

wow.. ppl actually argued about this for a couple years.
Indian tendency maybe? I came across it looking for a difference between kumkum and sindoor

By: Helga

Helga — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 21:39:03 +0000

Actually,vermillion has been made with a variety of formulas including the use of red lead. These days ,women frequently wear just a small line on the forehead even when the part is a side part. Personally,I think this is cheating,since it is supposed to be in the maang-the actual part in the hair.You can mix turmeric with lime and get the traditional red colour with no ill effects. I am caucasian and European and an immigrant so when I married a Bengali,sindoor was foreign to me. We weren’t married in India nor did we have an Indian ceremony, His parents couldn’t come but the Bengali community turned out for the wedding. I do wish I’d had an Indian ceremony and we’d planned one but his parents were in Iraq at the time. Now this was way before Zee TV hit America and as far as I know,at the time,no one wore sindoor except Bengalis,ladies from Uttar Pradesh,and some parts of Kashmir. Bindis were common but sindoor in the part was unknown outside of the marriage ritual. I gather you have married a Bong since you mentioned the Loha. We were married in 1974 so I told people who looked at me strangely and frequently saying thing like, “Oh I could never wear that stuff on my head!” -”Well it’s a good thing that I’M marrying the Bengali!” I have worn sindoor in my part for 37 years now. For 1/2 those years,stick-on bindis were not available so I learned to apply sindoor on a bindi shape as well. We had 3 children and none are deformed. And when I ask my husband to apply it,he still looks like a happy puppy. It is a privelege to wear sindoor for your husband. It hurts him not to,especially Bengalis. I also wear the shahnka and Pala bangles with the loha. And toe rings, and ankle bangles.I also have 3 mangal Sutras -of varrying lengths since my husband’s family lived in Maharashtra when we visited. I mostly wore saris for the first 20 years of our marriage and switched to salwar kameez when in-laws weren’t around or babies were small. I dressed the children in Indian clothing as well. As an Austrian,I also wear dirndls but the sindoor is still there. In Europe,I may wear a dirndl ,tuch,trachten schuhe, etc. but the sindoor and wedding bangles are there,and berhapas a very small black bindi,or maroon. In a sari,I am completely decked out in Indian accessories but my shoulder pin on the sari is a golden edelweiss. I am who I
am. I know it,feel it,and show it. And I go by the name KartofflMuter (potato mother) to acknowledge my age and general lumpiness in old age.Lol.

By: nabs

nabs — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 05:51:14 +0000

i am a indian bengali but born and brought up in a different part of india(Bhopal). I am from a town in india where every woman wear sindoor, including my mom. but never liked it as found it’s a way to opress women. After my engineering when i came to bangalore and later to Bombay(where i am currently), i was amazed to see most upper-middle class women don’t wear it. in my current office(an american bank) most of the married women don’t wear it. The first thing i told my wife after marriage is that i want her to wear the same dresses she wear before marriage(western dresses) and look the same(no sindoor). She also thinks the same and thinks it’s cool. Evrybody in her office knows she is married and i don’t want the rest 15 million mumbai people to know she is married.
I am visiting my in-laws for the first time in west bengal and the day we landed here, she was been told to wear a little sindoor. I didn’t liked it a bit and my wife convinced that she is doing this only this time as we got married only 1 year back.
I really like the metros in india where people are modern and don’t care what you wear or whether u are married.
They don’t care of this old custom which was made to opress women. In the beginning of this culture in older days the kings used to have sex-slaves who were generally tied in some prison with iron chains in leg and hand. To tell they are his slaves and no one can touch them, they use to cut their forehead with a sharp knife and the blood used to deposit there.
As the age changed the iron chains got replaced with loha(bangles of iron wear by married woman) and payal(braclets wear in leg). The forehead cutting got replaced with sindoor. and the sex-slave was given the name wife.
I treat my wife as my best friend and nothing else and we are equal in every way( even sometimes better then me), so i don’t at all like this concept of sindoor.

By: Nurse

Nurse — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 16:39:58 +0000

Tumeric from India or other Asian countries often contains lead. So even if lead oxide is not chosen as an additive to brighten the color, it is in there anyway. I am not sure it if is because of the equipement used to grind the tumeric into the powder…or if is contaminated from the ground in which it is grown, but it is often a problem.

By: Pinky

Pinky — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 17:11:07 +0000

If possible, that would really be a great thing.

By: Pinky

Pinky — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 08:06:21 +0000

2) If the question is about proving your marriage as an act of pride, then why all after marriage rituals, like “karwachauth” ( fasts for increasing husband’s age ) are only meant for men and no such rituals exists for woman. If husbands feel pride when wife is wearing sindoor why they still don’t wear tilak etc. for wife’s longer life? Sorry, I don’t want to hurt anybody or criticize faith about tradition, these are just some questions for which I never got satisfactory answers.

3)It’s very easy to term Shefali’s expalinations as “evil”, but it wasn’t until long time ago ( approx. 100 years ) that “Sati Pratha” was banned by government, which exactly was a way of ending life of woman when husband died.Without having a 100% proven explaination of origin of Sindoor, one might get confused ( There are many more evil explainations available on internet), but I do believe that woman nowadays don’t do it for any such reason.

4) Marriage isn’t the only relation to feel happy about, and society doesn’t need to only mark them separately as the ones who are doing good for it ( at least marking only woman doesn’t make sense ).There are many unmarried men and women who are doing great work and sacrifice for society as well which is also necessary for its continuation. Does it make sense to use a separate colour to mark them?

I again want to mention that my goal is not to criticize any faith, being myself a Hindu and Indian, I am proud of it and have learnt many great things. There are some aspects where I don’t find too much sense or utility , so wanted to discuss in an open forum.

By: Pinky

Pinky — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:42:25 +0000

Hello,

With due respect for all viewpoints, I would like to state some points about symbolic traditions like sindoor , mangalsutra etc.My english is no so good , so I will try my best to explain my points.

1) Is it more important to show that you are a good householder, love your husband or fulfil household responsibilities or really do it? Can you really prove it by symbols? At least it happens in many parts if India that people identify an ideal and dutiful woman by the symbol that she wears sindoor etc. and somehow subconsciously consider the ones without symbols as woman who aren’t caring towards husbands ( which might not be true). This makes it mandatory for those living in India ( especially in rural and small towns) just to get accepted by society.So,in my point of view in the long term its degrading for society to remember a tradition as symbols rather than its deep eternal meanings.

By: Kyra

Kyra — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 17:57:35 +0000

Yes!!! A lot of “traditions” were changed as to significance with the invasion, so a lot of the “common sense” even of local understanding, is not really common. In most of the major religions, those in power took a re-reading of scripture and made them fit their fancy! Usually this was men, so yes, much of the customs are oppressive of women and can be read that way for most of the near-past, regardless of the true origins or contemporary intent. Where there is *compulsion* to participate, one can usually bank on an oppressive agenda. I would even argue that where participation is presumed, the context is usually oppressive to those who don’t participate. I’m not traditional, but I’m not against observing traditions AS TRADITIONS, not compulsions!
Anyway @GoriGirl: Great blog. I stumbled onto your post describing the difference between generalization and stereotype. It’s kind of irritating to find that people don’t know the difference and even some who exploit the notion that there is one to couch their own racism or protect their traditionalism from some threat of the unknown or from change.
and I’m not referencing Shefaly’s lead and mercury comment AT ALL- the woman asked for information and rational arguments and data, and specifically contradictory to OTHER PEOPLE’s admittedly “weird” theory. Anybody who jumped down her throat simply wasn’t listening.

By: Cyn

Cyn — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 11:27:35 +0000

Wow I realise that is an old entry, I had time to spare reading more entries in your blog

I read most of the comments…first I was under the impression that traditionnaly sindoor was made with tumeric mixed with lime juice, then that it was auspicious in nature. The theory of wanting to reduce the lifespan of a woman do not hold at all.
Red in India is an auspicious color, the bride wears read during the wedding ceremony, in some communities she adorns herself with red glass bangles as well. During Holi people used to mainly splash themselves with red tinted water, which interestingly was made with sindoor powder as well before the arrival of all kind of cheap synthetic dies.

As for the woman dropping to a man’s feet after he applied sindoor? Well the only place I saw that non-sense was in soap operas. All the wedding I saw both man and woman were seated under the mandap and in my case the bride who was seated on the right of the man at the start of the ceremony, rise and sit to the left side after the pheras have been taken and before the sindoor is applied.
Now I have no idea what that means in India, DH has no idea as well, but in Europe a woman who walks on the right of a man is said to be submissive by some reaserchers, and traditionnaly was staying on that side in order not to come in the way of a man taking out his sword to protect her should danger occur. Being on the left of someone means you assume your role of leader it seems. Again no idea if it applies in India.

Oh and in DH’s community women prefer wearing orange sindoor it seems, and that is what is in the big wooden box that I got on my wedding day. It seems my MIL, SILS and all female relatives I saw also prefer applying just a small dot of it at the begining of the hairline where the parting starts, but it’s not a line it’s just a small smudge.
I noticed women in South India don’t wear sindoor as much as in the North.
I don’t wear sindoor on a regularly keeping it for occasions where I wear ethnic wear and am going to a more traditional place where I want people to clearly know I am MARRIED, and then of course when I go to my in-laws