Tag Archive | "understanding"
Intercultural Hospitality in Our Mixed Home
A commenter at this site, Lurker Frequent (aka LF), has once again asked a really interesting set of related questions in the comments section of a recent post that I'd like to address as a proper post, since I have plenty to say on the topic. Here's his questions: I am very curious to know about relationship dynamics in your Indian American Household, with regards to the cultural differences in customs in India and America. More specifically, in India, people invite each other over and unexpectedly drop in and hang out and do things together. In the US it's more planned, and “khatirdari” is less common in this DIY land. How does it work in your family? How do you handle all the social obligations of an Indian wife? ... the Indian bahu is “supposed” to do a bunch of stuff like cook, clean, wash, entertain the guests, manage social life etc. etc etc. It's all voluntary though, no pressures in modern day families. How's your “Bahurani” experience been like? Do you guys do all of that? I think I'll shelve the "chores" section of the question for a later date to focus on the hospitality portion of LF's question. So what follows here are my thoughts on hospitality generally in intercultural households, the interculturalness (or lack thereof) of our household hosting , and some general tips that might be of use to others.
Continue reading...Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part Two)
Monday, July 13, 2009
This is the second part of the interview I held with my husband Aditya's parents (you can find Part One here). This part starts off with an interlude on Maa and Baba's first meeting for their "semi-arranged" marriage, then continues on the topic of their first impressions of me. I finally got them to discuss some negatives: what they find difficult in having a non-Indian daughter-in-law and my (apparently) one fault. We also discussed some of the things they dislike about general American culture (as it relates to interpersonal relationships), and ended with some advice Maa and Baba have for intercultural couples, both generally and for those having some difficulty with Indian in-laws.
Continue reading...Intercultural Interviews: Indian Parents’ Perspective (Part One)
Friday, July 10, 2009
I sat down with Aditya's parents, Maa and Baba, a few nights ago with a list of eight questions to find out their views on American culture and intercultural relationships... and we ended up talking for over an hour, thus necessitating a Part One and a Part Two. Today's portion focuses on the early days: their worries on sending their youngest son, Aditya, to a foreign country, thoughts on American culture, dating, and their first interactions with me.
Continue reading...To Hug or Not to Hug: More on Meeting the Parents
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Aditya's parents are visiting us again for the second time - they arrived late last week - which has cut into my blogging time as we catch up with them. Of course, it also means plenty of blogging material is being generated with our temporary extended family living situation. The last time they visited I only got out one substantive post on the topic - I hope to do a bit better this time. Of course, that post - which was on the (eek!) order that Aditya's parents tried to bring to our home, disrupting my chaotic-but-somehow-functional mess of a system - still haunts us. Today Baba and Maa dusted and vacuumed the house while we at work - and then jokingly pointed out after I arrived home that my piles of mess were exactly where I left them, just cleaner. (Little do they know that if I am stymied in blogging about their dastardly actions of cleaning our house & cooking delicious meals I have no problem in getting irrationally upset about some other minor issue. For example: the fridge has been reorganized without my express permission, and the dishwasher was inefficiently loaded, resulting in one less cup being washed than if I had loaded it. I'm still reeling!) Since I haven't had a chance to sit down and think through a post lately, I thought I'd share with you the transcript I've typed up in spare minutes from an NPR segment called Intercultural Relationships: Can They Work?. I'm not a professional transcriber, so there may be errors - but I figured something was better than nothing for those of you who can't (or don't like to) listen to podcasts. The segment (and my post title) was developed from an article in East West Magazine. The article, which you can find here, is quite complimentary to the NPR segment, and I encourage you to read it as well as the transcript below. I've bolded the parts I find particularly interesting, and will post my thoughts on it tomorrow in the comments section.
Continue reading...Don’t Get Your Undies in a Bunch: Worrying About Intercultural Quirks
Friday, June 5, 2009
Okay, I'm a huge supporter of researching your significant other's culture and understanding cultural differences, but let's just put this one out there: worrying about intercultural quirks can be taken too far. There's reasonable concern, and then there's fretting over - or being shocked by - cultural differences that, in the end, don't really matter. Basically, Internet, I'm saying you shouldn't get your tighty-whities in a wad over the smaller cultural differences or customs you discover in your intercultural relationships. (And no, it's not all small stuff - but there's more small stuff than the amount of complaining would suggest.)
Continue reading...Wearing Sindoor as a White Woman
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Aditya loves, loves, loves it when I wear sindoor. For him it is the epitome of beauty. (There's also probably an element of husbandly pride and maybe something oedipal going on, but, hey, you can't win them all.) When I reach over to open to the medicine cabinet while brushing my teeth in the mornings, his face lights up in the hope that I'm grabbing out my container of vermilion powder: "Are you going to wear sindoor today?" You should! - you look so beautiful when you wear it!" And, almost always, I mumble something that amounts to "no, not today."
Continue reading...Why the Gori of Gori Girl?
Friday, April 18, 2008
There's been some talk in the comments about the word gori, which, given the blog name, is probably a term you'll hear thrown around here from time to time. So I thought I'd explain what it means, some of the connotations it can carry, and why I chose it for the name of this blog - as well as my pen name. What does gori mean? The following was derived from Aditya’s lengthy comments on the etymology of the word gori – be thankful that I’m sparing you all of the tangential diatribes that developed during our conversation. Gori is a Hindi adjective that literally means “fair” or “light-complexioned”. The i at the end of the word is a feminine conjugation, so gori is often used as a noun, with the subject being understood without explicit reference. In this slightly looser interpretation of the word, gori can mean “pale female”, “fair woman”, or even “white girl”. The masculine version of gori is gora, which can be translated as white man. Since I’m awfully pale-skinned, at least in the winter, gori can be rightly used as an adjective to describe me, or as a noun in reference me.
Continue reading...Who is Affected by your Intercultural Relationship?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Many people subscribe to the idea that your personal life is nobody's business but your own - as long as you aren't maiming others, anyways. While I generally agree with the sentiment this idea expresses, I also think it's important to realize that, like it or not, your actions affect a wide swath of people. In fact, at the margin, your actions affect the entire world. Let's all pause for a moment to ponder that grandiose thought while breaking out into The Circle of Life. Everyone back? Good. I brought up this topic because being in an intercultural relationships has a tendency to disrupt the "social equilibrium," if you will, of the people around you. In almost every country and region an intercultural relationship is the exception, not the norm. So while being in any relationship might affect those close to you - my dad still hasn't gotten over the fact that I'm no longer his little girl - intercultural relationships are both a regular ol' relationship and something of a challenge to the status quo. As if romantic relationships weren't tough enough on their own! In this post I'm focusing on how intercultural relationships, in particular, affect those around us. I'll start out by laying out a (non-comprehensive) list of the type of people who can be affected by your intercultural marriage or relationship, continue with how these effects ripple out through the social web of life, and then finish up with how much you should really care about it all. This post developed as I thought about how parents can react to their children's intercultural relationships - I'll be applying the principles and theory I develop here to that post, which will be the next "serious" one.
Continue reading...What Counts as an Intercultural Relationship?
Monday, March 24, 2008
Boy, I love me some good, high fiber intercultural friendship! Aditya informs me it's particularly tasty with warmed whole milk. His insistence that cold cereal is best eaten with whole milk that is not in its natural state of refrigerated coldness (oh, the horrors***) is one of many indicators that we might just be in an intercultural relationship. (I suppose his Indian passport, brown skin, and Hindu faith also belong on the list of indicators, although, frankly, I notice the milk-warming thing just as often.) Seriously, though - where is the line between just doing things a little differently, and being from two different cultures? Here on Gori Girl, we're pretty open about the definition of an intercultural relationship (henceforth ICR). Since culture is a broad, nebulous thing, finding someone of a different culture to be in a relationship with isn't that hard to do. "Relationship", by the way, is also a broad, nebulous concept, but we're not going to get into that. If you think you're in a relationship, be it hetro, homo, platonic, "it's complicated" on facebook, or whatever else, then you are, as far as I'm concerned. One concept at a time, and today's focus is on the intercultural part of ICR.
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Wednesday, December 2, 2009
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