Tag Archive | "culture"
Confluence on the Roads: Thoughts about American, Indian, and German Traffic
Yesterday Aditya and I made the trek to the holy queen of all box stores, IKEA. It was the first day of the Preview Summer Sale, so of course we were there, battle plan mapped out, lists made, room measurements at hand, and stomaches ready for meatballs. The plan was that I would arrive mid-afternoon with the U-Haul rental van (the better to transport our loot - we take IKEA seriously in this household), and Aditya would come directly from the office once he was off work at 7. Once there, my orders were to make one reconnaissance sweep, then head to the ground floor to secure the bed we've been trying to purchase for the past year. Yes, we've been sleeping with a mattress on the floor for a year rather than give up on our dream cheapo bed just because of little things like it always being out of stock. We plan, and God laughs. I think it was when the third firetruck passed me, sirens blaring, and traffic ground to a complete standstill that I realized I would not be reaching IKEA at 1300 hours. There I sat, stalled on the highway, surveying the baking asphalt meadows around. To pass the time, I started observing the cooperation of the other drivers in responding to the emergency vehicles and the on-going traffic jam, and thinking about how other car cultures I'm familiar with cooperate in their own ways.
Continue reading...Why is the Goat Wearing a Sweater? Six Unspectacular Quirks Meme
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I was recently tagged by Blue of the blog bluelightful, bluelicious, bluelovely to complete a meme on "six unspectacular quirks." I was a bit hesitant to do the meme, at first, 'cause I figured I'd already done the whole "personal life" update post, and, really, there's only so many times a week I can talk just about myself before I start making Aditya's life miserable with a swelled head. "Where's my tea & biscuits? I need caffeine to post. This is important, Aditya. I've been tagged!" Then I thought about it a bit more, and realized that if I couldn't come up with six intercultural-type quirks about myself, then all those people who've talked about having me committed to an insane asylum for being crazy (I prefer "quirky," thank you) would be proven wrong. And I'd hate to make so many friends, relatives, and coworkers look bad, so I guess it's time to roll up my sleeves and show just how quirky in a interculturally-relevant-but-not-culturally-insensitive way I can be. Of course, the qualifier of "unspectacular" means you all will be be missing the good stuff...
Continue reading...Categories, Generalizations, and Stereotypes: Talking About Cultural Differences
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
We talk about cultural differences a lot on this blog: "Indian parents tend to worry about X, Y, and Z when their children are getting married." "My husband grew up in a culture where it wasn't okay to do A, B, or C." "Lego people of South Pacific descent enjoy conga lines and grass miniskirts." This is a pretty sensitive topic. In talking about cultural differences, I'm careful to not make too strict generalizations - I'll hedge what I say by emphasizing I'm talking about my own, personal experiences, or suggest that a group seems to act in a certain way, or that some (but not all!) people from a particular culture do a particular thing. But it's impossible to avoid making any generalizations at all about cultures or to keep from categorizing people - and silly to even try.
Continue reading...Initial Family Resistance to your Intercultural Relationship
Monday, May 5, 2008
I'm hoisting up from the comments a request for advice from a reader, Travelergal, who's run into a bit of a sticky situation with her Indian boyfriend's family. Her boyfriend, R- just informed his family about her, and, well, the response was not as enthusiastic as one might hope. R- has emailed her about their responses, and now Travelergal is trying to figure out the best course of action: I need your advice so here goes…my boyfriend recently told his parents about me (he is in India right now so of course he sent me this by email). I am a white American girl and he is a South Indian man. Are their comments normal? What can I do at this point to begin the process of “Slow Acclimation”? I want them to eventually accept me but I have no idea where to begin or what I should do at this point! Any advice would be great!! Travelergal included her boyfriend's email, which I've put below the fold, along with my responses (in red). I'm sure she'd appreciate all of you chiming in with suggestions, advice, or sympathy as well.
Continue reading...He’s soooo Indian!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
In this guest post, NeoKalypso of Doings & Undoings writes about her understanding of "Indian-ness." "You are too prejudiced. You do not let your eyes see nor your ears hear, and that which is outside your daily life is not of account to you. Do you not think that there are things which you cannot understand, and yet which are? That some people see things that others cannot? ... There are always mysteries in life." - Abraham Van Helsing, metaphysician and scientist from Bram Stoker’s Dracula I knew my Indian boyfriend was pretty down with his culture, but after meeting his brother-in-law I just looked at R amusedly and said, “Wow. He’s sooo Indian.” R knew exactly what I meant, smiled and said, “Oh, he totally is. You should see him in India. He’s absolutely in his element.” Later I will unpack this exchange for Gori Girl readers. But first, some background. I’m a white American woman and my R is from a very traditional, South Indian (Telugu) family. Of the Indian families I have had the pleasure of knowing, I feel at liberty to say R’s is the “most hardcore” (i.e. traditional) I’ve known. :) For example, out of his 200 family members, only one ventured outside of Telugu culture to marry…a Gujarati. :) R’s little niece and nephew speak Telugu. His mom, pop, sister, brother-in-law, and their kids have often lived in the same house, sharing family responsibilities (which is very common for more traditional families). It has worked well for them.
Continue reading...Meeting the Desi Parents
Monday, April 14, 2008
Few things fill me with as much dread as meeting my partner's parents. First off, I'm socially awkward by nature - at least when meeting new people. I never know how to make small talk, or when good eye contact crosses the line into weird staring, or if my posture and facial expressions are saying "possibly mentally deranged" rather than "cool and confident ". Then there’s the fact that I’m meeting the parents. While I’m not exactly a “people pleaser”, I do think it’s important to have a good rapport with the parents of your significant other, at least if he or she is close to them (and Aditya is). If the relationship continues then they're going to be a part of your life forever, and well, family matters, you know? And first impressions matter too. Finally, with Aditya’s parents I had the whole “different culture” thing to worry about too. All of the social rules and interpersonal cues – which I only have a passing knowledge of, anyways – go swishing out the window when you’re faced with a new culture. Not only could I completely mess up, I could completely mess up and not even know what I did wrong. Despite this, my initial meetings with Aditya’s parents – first Maa, then Baba – ended up going quite well. While this may be more due to their innate awesomeness than any actions of mine, I hope my story can help out some of you who are struggling with the same sort of worries I had had. Next post I’ll be focusing on some of the more “theoretical” aspects of meeting the parents, which will greatly extend some of the points I bring up here, so be sure to tune in for that too.
Continue reading...Gori Girl: Now Blogging from the Desi Suburbs
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
For the sixth year running, Aditya and I have moved our junk to a new home. Yes, you read that right: we've moved (together or both individually) every year for the past six years. It's not that I like moving; it's just a combination of being a student, having an urge to see the world, and a peculiar, magical moving amnesia that makes me forget every year how traumatic moving really is. I'll spare you the gory details, but beyond the typical panicked late night packing, this move has included our utilities being shut off at the new house, at least three separate lockouts, sleeping on hardwood floors, and a hail storm. In an attempt to stay sane (and nourished) through this process, Aditya, an Indian friend, and I went to the mall near the new place this weekend for food and a bit of light goofing off between hauling boxes. And guess what? We've accidentally moved to the Desi suburbs. About every fourth group we saw wandering the mall was sub-Continental, and I'd guess that at least a third of the mall population was Asian. It's like we're back in California! Tomorrow I'll get a post up about the first few times I met Aditya's parents, and I'll be blogging regularly now that the worst of the moving trauma is over.
Continue reading...Do the Needful and Learn the Language, Gori!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I can handle Hinglish - the Indian version of Spanglish - without a problem. I've got all that slang down. I'm comfortable with about any accent you can throw at me - a neeful thing indeed when your main social interactions are with a bunch of international grad students and professors who are more comfortable with equations than English. And you'd be surprised at how well I can parse together body language, tone, and the occasional English word in order to understand the conversation as a whole. Unfortunately, these skills, impressive though they might be, don't cut it when what you really need to do is buckle down and learn a foreign language. This is something I suck at. Yesterday I discussed all the great reasons you ought to be studying the native language of your partner. Today I'm focusing on why I haven't yet achieved fluency in Aditya's native language, Bengali, despite all those great reasons - and what I'm doing about it.
Continue reading...My Dainty Swastikas
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Someone gave me a pair of swastikas as a wedding gift. They were quite beautiful: delicate, pure gold swastika earrings, with subtle etchings along the front and edges. I wish I had taken a picture of them – and of my husband’s face when he opened the gift. I still don’t know who the giver was, but I suspect it was an older Auntie with superb taste and very few NRI relatives.
Continue reading...Indian Survial Guide: How to Eat Indian Food (Part I)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
During their travels in India, my uncle and mom really enjoyed eating with their hands, as you can see from the photo above. This is the traditional way of eating in India… but not all Indians are perfectly traditional. If you look closely at my husband, Aditya, pictured on the right, you’ll notice he has a fork on his plate, since he doesn't care to eat rice with his hands. I, too, have a fork - you can just see it spearing some delicious chicken in the far right of the photo. I'm using a fork because when I try to eat rice with my hands, I end up with some on my lap, down my blouse, and somehow in my hair - it’s just not pretty. The photo of my family chowing down demonstrates the two main things you need to know about eating Indian food: it’s traditionally done with your hands (mostly the right hand actually – more on that in a bit) AND it’s okay to not be traditional. If you’re uncomfortable eating with your hands, then don’t. No one will look down on you, or think less of you if you ask for silverware. However, for those of you interested adventuring outside of Western-style table manners, I have a few hard-learned tips and tricks to help you chow down politely.
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Saturday, June 21, 2008
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