India’s Delicious Products - Or, Why Can’t We Get That Here?
Possibly the best thing about being in an intercultural relationship, at least for the curious mind, is the in-depth, nitty-gritty exposure you get to a different group’s culture. Be prepared for the flood of new customs, food, clothes, vocabulary, entertainment and so forth that’ll be coming your way. The only thing I can compare it to is living in a foreign country with a roommate or family from that country - of course, then you’re still in an intercultural relationship, just not a romantic one.
While a number of problems can arise from having two or more cultures operating in the same house, today’s focus is on the unadulterated good things that come from sharing a culture. The things that will remain perfect in my mind forever. Even if Aditya were to run off the squirrel that hangs out near the bedroom window (they were eying each other this morning) and break my heart, or declare a hatred for IKEA (and break my heart), I will appreciate our time together because of these three things:
Thums Up
Maggi
Coffy Bite
Thums Up, as you can tell from the picture, is a cola. But it is not any cola - no, it is the pinnacle of colas. On first sip, a Coca-Cola drinker will just notice a slightly “off” taste - sort of like store-brand coke. But then the spiciness hits. Not spicy in terms of hotness, but zing, pizzazz, oomph. As the brand’s slogan goes, “thums up… taste the thunder!” It’s utterly addictive, particularly when consumed with food that has its own pizzazz. Or, you know, delicious rum - or so I’m told. Thums Up can be found in some South Asian groceries, although we still haven’t located a place in the DC area that sells it. (It’s been a sad, fruitless search - cue the world’s smallest violin.) There are plenty of Indian groceries in California that carry it, and some in New York as well.
Maggi is actually a brand name, not a particular product. But in our household “Maggi” always refers to the delicious, ramen-esque noodles that is a healthy (or so the packet says) meal any time of the day. It’s the seasoning packets that really take it beyond any other bag of noodles - the best flavors are curry and masala. Preparation also matters - so much so, in fact, that I’ll be posting on how to properly make Maggi in a day or two. (Also, most packets you can find in the US only have directions in Hindi or Bengali.) Luckily for Americans nation-wide, it seems every South Asian grocery carries an endless stock of Maggi. True, they completely rip you off - $1 or more per packet, when it costs maybe ten cents in India. It’s still a small price to pay for true love.
Lastly, we have Coffy Bite. Ah, Coffy Bite - a piece of candy combining the tastes of coffee and toffee into a wondrous whole. Everyone I’ve shared this treat with has loved it, yet the candy remains so unknown in the Western world that there is no wikipedia entry for it. This is a tragedy. Also tragic: we are down to two coffy bites in the house. TWO! We started with a 500g bag in January, and have been rationing carefully since, only offering it to true bosom friends. Aditya’s parents will resupply us when they visit the US this summer, but May is a long way off, and you just can’t find Coffy Bite in the US. I’ve tried. A lot.
I love this candy so much that when Aditya proposed to me he gave me a ring and a bag of Coffy Bite that he had kept hidden as a package deal - if I wanted one, I had to accept the other. I believe this was his way of insuring against a rejected suit. He’s a smart boy like that.
[?] Share ThisICR Review: Love’s revolution
Every so often you’ll be seeing an in-depth review from Gori Girl about an intercultural relationship resource that might be useful to you. Shorter reviews can be found on the comprehensive list of resources on the page “Intercultural Relationship Resources.”
We’re starting off the ICR resource reviews with Love’s revolution: interracial marriage - not because I think it’s the best book on ICRs ever published, but because it’s the book I’ve most recently read. That’s not to say that the book isn’t good; there’s a lot of valuable material here, at least for anyone in an interracial relationship. The author, Dr. Maria P.P. Root, is a practicing clinical psychologist with a strong research focus on multiracial families and children. Love’s revolution is only one of several books on multiracial issues produced by Root, although the others focus on multiracial people - i.e. the children of ICRs.
Love’s revolution aims to be a scholarly overview of interracial marriages in America, and it pretty much hits the mark (this means that this review is going to long, ’cause there’s a lot to cover). While the tone is academic, the book is still accessible to a layperson. Excerpts and stories from interviews with individuals in interracial marriages, as well as their families, are found on nearly every page, and help to connect Root’s theories to actual practices. The book’s emphasis on both the couples & family members’ reactions makes it particularly well suited to individuals who’ve had trouble getting their families to accept their relationship with someone who’s “just a little too different.”
Under the cut is a detailed review of Love’s revolution, chapter by chapter, as well some advice on whether it’s worth your time to read it.
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What Counts as an Intercultural Relationship?
Boy, I love me some good, high fiber intercultural friendship! Aditya informs me it’s particularly tasty with warmed whole milk. His insistence that cold cereal is best eaten with whole milk that is not in its natural state of refrigerated coldness (oh, the horrors***) is one of many indicators that we might just be in an intercultural relationship. (I suppose his Indian passport, brown skin, and Hindu faith also belong on the list of indicators, although, frankly, I notice the milk-warming thing just as often.)
Seriously, though - where is the line between just doing things a little differently, and being from two different cultures?
Here on Gori Girl, we’re pretty open about the definition of an intercultural relationship (henceforth ICR). Since culture is a broad, nebulous thing, finding someone of a different culture to be in a relationship with isn’t that hard to do. “Relationship”, by the way, is also a broad, nebulous concept, but we’re not going to get into that. If you think you’re in a relationship, be it hetro, homo, platonic, “it’s complicated” on facebook, or whatever else, then you are, as far as I’m concerned. One concept at a time, and today’s focus is on the intercultural part of ICR.
[?] Share ThisMy Dainty Swastikas
Someone gave me a pair of swastikas as a wedding gift.
They were quite beautiful: delicate, pure gold swastika earrings, with subtle etchings along the front and edges. I wish I had taken a picture of them – and of my husband’s face when he opened the gift. I still don’t know who the giver was, but I suspect it was an older Auntie with superb taste and very few NRI relatives.
I’m almost certain it was Auntie since almost all of the single men at our wedding gave the simpler gift of money. Superb taste is certain, given the quality of the gift – similar to the other earrings I received:
NRI stands for non-resident Indians – citizens who live in countries other than
You see, in Hinduism, the swastika is an ancient symbol for good luck. And while it’s known that Hitler co-opted the symbol for his own use, the first and primary connotation in
Of course, Aditya, being born and raised in
Luckily for him, they’d been traveling in
I think it’s the little cultural things, like using swastikas as decorative items, that make you more aware of being in an intercultural relationship than any of the major things, such as food, clothing, or family practices. It’s that little unexpected jar to the system, a reminder that, hey, this person grew up in a fundamentally different culture from me. These little things, however, are the easiest to get used to, though they may look odd to an outsider (”Yes, that’s a swastika in the painting on the living room wall. No, we’re not planning a Blitzkrieg against France anytime in the near future.”).
The swastika earrings situation was easily resolved, like most little cultural things. Maa, having traveled to the
***Aditya’s older brother, whom we both call “Dada” (which means older brother in Bengali), lives only a few miles away from my dad’s house in
Indian Survial Guide: How to Eat Indian Food (Part I)
During their travels in
The photo of my family chowing down demonstrates the two main things you need to know about eating Indian food: it’s traditionally done with your hands (mostly the right hand actually – more on that in a bit) AND it’s okay to not be traditional. If you’re uncomfortable eating with your hands, then don’t. No one will look down on you, or think less of you if you ask for silverware.
However, for those of you interested adventuring outside of Western-style table manners, I have a few hard-learned tips and tricks to help you chow down politely.
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Christmas Wedding Gifts
Indians rock at the wedding gift-giving thing. In fact, I think the Indian version of giving wedding presents is far superior to the typical American way. This belief of mine is based on the one Indian wedding I’ve attended – my own – so it’s not exactly statistically sound. But I think my experience is enlightening, nonetheless, and I’m told it’s fairly typical.
Last Christmas, exactly a year and four days after our civil ceremony in the
Of course, the timing also meant that I couldn’t spend the holidays with my culturally-Christian family in California, exchanging gift cards (Best Buy for Aditya, Borders for me), and watching various younger cousins, nieces, and nephews play with the cardboard boxes their toys came in. Still, I consented to go to
Shall I start with the reasons why Indian wedding gifts are excellent?
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