Comments on: Meeting the Desi Parents http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents intercultural relationship stories and advice Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:22:04 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 By: Shyamsunder http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-3851 Shyamsunder Sat, 03 Apr 2010 23:41:46 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-3851 Dimple, as an Indian parent, I can easily tell you that Indian parents are much more hostile to non-Indian religions than non-Indian races One of my niece got outcasted for marrying a kerala syrian christian, whereas another niece married an american man who did shuddi at Arya Samaj and this was accepted by her family Dimple, as an Indian parent, I can easily tell you that Indian parents are much more hostile to non-Indian religions than non-Indian races
One of my niece got outcasted for marrying a kerala syrian christian,
whereas another niece married an american man who did shuddi at Arya Samaj and this was accepted by her family

]]> By: Dimple Joseph http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-3825 Dimple Joseph Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:33:46 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-3825 Hey Gori Girl, I am doing a research paper on interracial relationships for my english class....my point was to focus mainly how the indian culture was not completely ready to except interracial relationships...i was wondering what side do you recommend taking??? i dont know if there are many positives abt this in the indian culture....wat do u think would be the main positive or negative points?? Hey Gori Girl, I am doing a research paper on interracial relationships for my english class….my point was to focus mainly how the indian culture was not completely ready to except interracial relationships…i was wondering what side do you recommend taking??? i dont know if there are many positives abt this in the indian culture….wat do u think would be the main positive or negative points??

]]> By: dhruv http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-2027 dhruv Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:50:26 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-2027 Wow. You're smart. Indian mom's can definitely be overbearing at times... your strategy is commendable. :)<br><br><--- Indian American who has seen many Indian-White couple situations...<br><br>You did really good. For what its worth I honestly believe though that, if/when the Indian mom takes to their son's non-indian partner, they will take to them completely, and in a closer way than I think most Non-Indian parents wouldn't. Wow. You're smart. Indian mom's can definitely be overbearing at times… your strategy is commendable. :)

<— Indian American who has seen many Indian-White couple situations…

You did really good. For what its worth I honestly believe though that, if/when the Indian mom takes to their son's non-indian partner, they will take to them completely, and in a closer way than I think most Non-Indian parents wouldn't.

]]> By: GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-2019 GoriGirl Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:18:21 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-2019 Oh, good luck Srsh3! <br><br>I agree that the most important thing is to be yourself, but it doesn't hurt to make sure that you know the sort of expectations M's father might have. If I were you, I'd run through a mental checklist (or with M) on topics where your interests and M's father's interests coincide, just so that you have an idea of different things to talk about. And of course, there's miles and miles of discussion to be got from how his visit to the US is going - what has surprised him the most, what has been exactly as he imagined it, etc. <br><br>Wishing you the best! Oh, good luck Srsh3!

I agree that the most important thing is to be yourself, but it doesn't hurt to make sure that you know the sort of expectations M's father might have. If I were you, I'd run through a mental checklist (or with M) on topics where your interests and M's father's interests coincide, just so that you have an idea of different things to talk about. And of course, there's miles and miles of discussion to be got from how his visit to the US is going – what has surprised him the most, what has been exactly as he imagined it, etc.

Wishing you the best!

]]> By: Srsh3 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-2018 Srsh3 Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:01:30 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-2018 I love this post. I was also in an intercultural relationship with a gentleman from Pakistan, which I will call "M." We were together for over a year, when suddenly, about a week ago, he decided it would be best if we broke it off and remained in a close friendship. (Probably because of the fear that his family would be taken back later on when they find out that he was "seeing" a girl that was born in America). He also told me he will always care about me, love me, and he still wants to be with me for the rest of his life.<br><br>Well, A few days ago, he informed me that his father was coming from Saudi Arabia. (His family has never been to the US before and M hasn't seen his family in 7 years). <br><br>His father is here now, and I am supposed to be meeting him tonight. (Only 4 hours from now). I agree that it is important do your research before meeting a family from a different culture. I believe I know the culture pretty well, (being that I major in Cultural Anthropology and study religion and language in college and was with M for a year and learned alot about his culture). However, My nerves are getting the best of me, because I know that there is alot depending on this meeting with his father. I have only two or three chances to meet him and get to know him, (and vice-versa). My future relationship with M depends on whether his parents will accept me or not.<br><br>I keep telling myself to just be who I am, but I definitely do not want to cross any lines. I'm worried about the little things, such as body language, interaction, and subjects of conversation. Tonight will definitely be a new experience: a stressful one, but exciting. :) I love this post. I was also in an intercultural relationship with a gentleman from Pakistan, which I will call “M.” We were together for over a year, when suddenly, about a week ago, he decided it would be best if we broke it off and remained in a close friendship. (Probably because of the fear that his family would be taken back later on when they find out that he was “seeing” a girl that was born in America). He also told me he will always care about me, love me, and he still wants to be with me for the rest of his life.

Well, A few days ago, he informed me that his father was coming from Saudi Arabia. (His family has never been to the US before and M hasn't seen his family in 7 years).

His father is here now, and I am supposed to be meeting him tonight. (Only 4 hours from now). I agree that it is important do your research before meeting a family from a different culture. I believe I know the culture pretty well, (being that I major in Cultural Anthropology and study religion and language in college and was with M for a year and learned alot about his culture). However, My nerves are getting the best of me, because I know that there is alot depending on this meeting with his father. I have only two or three chances to meet him and get to know him, (and vice-versa). My future relationship with M depends on whether his parents will accept me or not.

I keep telling myself to just be who I am, but I definitely do not want to cross any lines. I'm worried about the little things, such as body language, interaction, and subjects of conversation. Tonight will definitely be a new experience: a stressful one, but exciting. :)

]]> By: GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1464 GoriGirl Tue, 03 Mar 2009 02:33:59 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1464 Thanks for the compliment, Jas. Altho given the recent "pink chaddi" issue in India, I'm pretty sure not <i>all</i> people in India would appreciate me in my assertive mode. ;-) Thanks for the compliment, Jas. Altho given the recent “pink chaddi” issue in India, I'm pretty sure not all people in India would appreciate me in my assertive mode. ;-)

]]> By: Pecan Pie http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1442 Pecan Pie Sat, 28 Feb 2009 00:40:07 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1442 gralphr, desi culture is very family oriented and if anyone gets into a longterm relationship with an Indian or Pakistani, they WILL have to deal with their family. in fact, that's one of the things that non-desis find attractive about desi culture, the family connectedness. it is beautiful and heartwarming. as far as being "racist", desi culture is very hierarchal but that does not mean that people of other cultures/races/nations cannot be loved and accepted by desis. they can be and they are. gralphr, desi culture is very family oriented and if anyone gets into a longterm relationship with an Indian or Pakistani, they WILL have to deal with their family. in fact, that's one of the things that non-desis find attractive about desi culture, the family connectedness. it is beautiful and heartwarming. as far as being “racist”, desi culture is very hierarchal but that does not mean that people of other cultures/races/nations cannot be loved and accepted by desis. they can be and they are.

]]> By: Jas http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1441 Jas Fri, 27 Feb 2009 22:08:38 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1441 Gori, I see your point, and thats perhaps why it HAS worked. I have seen some (western) women who try and change themselves, as in, shed their individuality to overemphasize that they love their husband/boyfriend's culture. And that creates problem because the guy cease to see the same person who he fell first fell in love with.<br>I don't see a better example than Sonia Gandhi here. Though she has changed into Indian ways (as you put it) but has not changed herself. She today is still the same rational self, and most importantly in liked (and chosen to be the head of the party) because of that. That also proves your point that Indian society (though has stereotypes about other cultures) is not fundamentally racist. <br>I can tell you that most people would love you as you are and infact appreciate you for making an effort for a transition into Indian ways. Most proud cultures would appreciate a young confident and an assertive woman who is not "trying to be one of us". If it comes naturally its good, even if it doesn't, they would be ok, just like any proud/confident guy. Gori, I see your point, and thats perhaps why it HAS worked. I have seen some (western) women who try and change themselves, as in, shed their individuality to overemphasize that they love their husband/boyfriend's culture. And that creates problem because the guy cease to see the same person who he fell first fell in love with.
I don't see a better example than Sonia Gandhi here. Though she has changed into Indian ways (as you put it) but has not changed herself. She today is still the same rational self, and most importantly in liked (and chosen to be the head of the party) because of that. That also proves your point that Indian society (though has stereotypes about other cultures) is not fundamentally racist.
I can tell you that most people would love you as you are and infact appreciate you for making an effort for a transition into Indian ways. Most proud cultures would appreciate a young confident and an assertive woman who is not “trying to be one of us”. If it comes naturally its good, even if it doesn't, they would be ok, just like any proud/confident guy.

]]> By: GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1429 GoriGirl Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:54:31 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1429 gralphr, I'm going to give you a very slight benefit of doubt - but given the amount of hate I've seen you writing about homosexuality elsewhere on the Internet, I'm not all that hopeful.<br><br>While I have no doubt that there are Indians who are racist (what society <i>doesn't</i> have racists?), I don't believe that my husband's immediate family is in any way, and I don't think Indian society is fundamentally a racist society. I married my husband because I loved <i>him</i>. I've made efforts to get along with his family, certainly, but I wouldn't call that "kissing his family's butt", nor have I sunk to any "lows". It's called "meeting the other person halfway". I haven't changed who I am fundamentally, but I am perfectly willing to learn about India and "Indian ways" so that I can participate in <i>his</i> culture as much as he participates in mine. It would be the height of selfishness to do otherwise. gralphr, I'm going to give you a very slight benefit of doubt – but given the amount of hate I've seen you writing about homosexuality elsewhere on the Internet, I'm not all that hopeful.

While I have no doubt that there are Indians who are racist (what society doesn't have racists?), I don't believe that my husband's immediate family is in any way, and I don't think Indian society is fundamentally a racist society. I married my husband because I loved him. I've made efforts to get along with his family, certainly, but I wouldn't call that “kissing his family's butt”, nor have I sunk to any “lows”. It's called “meeting the other person halfway”. I haven't changed who I am fundamentally, but I am perfectly willing to learn about India and “Indian ways” so that I can participate in his culture as much as he participates in mine. It would be the height of selfishness to do otherwise.

]]> By: gralphr http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1428 gralphr Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:30:39 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1428 This is sickening. Why would you people want to marry into such a racist society? I can understand you wanting to be with the guy you love but screw the family and if he cant accept that then you shouldnt be married, You may not see it this way but in the end your kissing his familys butt just to be with him. Their not better than anyone else so for you women to sick to such lows is pretty sad. I wish you the best of luck in your marriages though and hope you have a happy family but your inlaws need a swift kick in the behind do to their racism. This is sickening. Why would you people want to marry into such a racist society? I can understand you wanting to be with the guy you love but screw the family and if he cant accept that then you shouldnt be married, You may not see it this way but in the end your kissing his familys butt just to be with him. Their not better than anyone else so for you women to sick to such lows is pretty sad. I wish you the best of luck in your marriages though and hope you have a happy family but your inlaws need a swift kick in the behind do to their racism.

]]> By: GoriGirl http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1203 GoriGirl Wed, 28 Jan 2009 23:26:43 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1203 Hey khalid - sup? Hey khalid – sup?

]]> By: kha55 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1161 kha55 Sat, 24 Jan 2009 12:23:10 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1161 hi im khalid khan from pakistan . hi im khalid khan from pakistan .

]]> By: Bengaliwife http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1154 Bengaliwife Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:21:29 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1154 Hi. I am a southeastern US pastey white chick married to a Bengali <br>guy from Kolkata. We have been very happily married for 3 1/2 years. I will never forget the first time i met Ma. He brought her from India to meet me and it was very awkward. I met them at our favorite Thai restaurant and all he could do was stare down at his plate, only spoke when clarification was needed on both sides, and ate his food as fast as he could. It was kind of funny, really. She wa nooootttt happy for weeks after that because I was not bengali. When she accepted that this was who he was going to marry, it was much better. I guess she was happy, like my family was, that thair youngest was finally getting married at all. We were in our early forties and had never been married before. <br>I am happy to say that we get along exceptionally well and my parents love him too. My MIL even has told others that I am better than any Bengali girl she could have chosen. Hi. I am a southeastern US pastey white chick married to a Bengali
guy from Kolkata. We have been very happily married for 3 1/2 years. I will never forget the first time i met Ma. He brought her from India to meet me and it was very awkward. I met them at our favorite Thai restaurant and all he could do was stare down at his plate, only spoke when clarification was needed on both sides, and ate his food as fast as he could. It was kind of funny, really. She wa nooootttt happy for weeks after that because I was not bengali. When she accepted that this was who he was going to marry, it was much better. I guess she was happy, like my family was, that thair youngest was finally getting married at all. We were in our early forties and had never been married before.
I am happy to say that we get along exceptionally well and my parents love him too. My MIL even has told others that I am better than any Bengali girl she could have chosen.

]]> By: Aditya http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1115 Aditya Fri, 16 Jan 2009 05:39:08 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1115 yeah, i think i told my mother the third or fourth week... though I've shared my gf status with my mother since high school... coz she's cool like that :) yeah, i think i told my mother the third or fourth week… though I’ve shared my gf status with my mother since high school… coz she’s cool like that :)

]]> By: Gori Girl http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1113 Gori Girl Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:51:41 +0000 http://gorigirl.com/meeting-the-desi-parents#comment-1113 Sarah, I think it was roughly a month into dating that we each told our respective parents. It's a little hazy, but I know all parental units were informed by the time I was in the hospital, which was during our second month of dating. Aditya had such fun meeting my mom for the first time while I was drugged to the gills in the hospital. ;) Sarah, I think it was roughly a month into dating that we each told our respective parents. It’s a little hazy, but I know all parental units were informed by the time I was in the hospital, which was during our second month of dating. Aditya had such fun meeting my mom for the first time while I was drugged to the gills in the hospital. ;)

]]>