Hi Gorigirl,

Achelois’s blog is an interesting and thought provoking space to visit. Since I brought up the issue GCC societies also having high divorce rates and which are comparable to US numbers, I thought I’d come back to link Achelois’s post on her break down of reasons for high divorce rates in the Gulf.

He is anglo, and his wife is Chinese.

What makes their circumstances so exceptional to me is that having known them for about 7 years, I have always considered them to both be responsible, decent and level headed.

They have a 6 year old son, which they seem to dote over, and they were both clearly very good parents.

Now in the past Ms B made some incidental but ominous comments about the wife, which I disregarded at the time. Ms B told me that the wife would bitterly complain in private about her husband, but there was no substance to the complaints. Ms B described the complaints as being “child-like” and repetitious in nature.

Had my wife not told me this, I would never have thought this woman was child-like, nor someone who complained about her husband behind his back. She just seemed too nice and empathetic in public. In fact, she really won me over as a great mother and a great wife.

But clearly I was wrong!

Well, this couple separated about a year ago. Since then the husband has wanted to see the child 3 days per fortnight, but the wife refused. She would only agree to 8 hours per fortnight.

So after failing to get anywhere in mediation, the husband filed for greater access to his son via the Family Court.

In response his wife filed allegations of child sexual abuse.

Now I won’t go into detail about these allegations, but to say that they are completely preposterous and bizarre.

I read the wife’s statement and the allegations in full, as did Ms B. We both agreed that the wife was either lying or she is so disturbed by the divorce that she is deluding herself. In fact I had to pinch myself a number of times as there was no logic in the ramblings, apart from references to women’s intuitition and references from the internet about bed wetting being linked to child abuse. She also supplied some selective snippets from the internet suggesting that any form of shared care was disruptive to children.

My final take was that this was all about child support, given that in Australia child support reduces if the child sees the other parent on overnight stays. Its the only way I can understand what has happened.

But now to my point, and this is eerily similar to one of the comments by a poster to a previous post.

The husband has hired a solicitor and barrister to represent him in Court.

He told me recently that while in a briefing with his barrister, the barrister said that in his experience, Chinese born wives are particularly malicious during divorce. In fact he mentioned that of the 5 most spiteful wives that he comes across per year in his work as a barrister, about 3 tend to be Chinese born.

Now make of this what you will, but if true, it is a worrying statistic for many fathers out there.

“There is enough room in the world for everyone’s world view to be correct. So to each his own.”

Cheers.

Making sensationalist generalizations about entire cultures–both Indian and American–and incessantly lobbying the (nonexistent) success of patriarchal marriages require a lot of data. And this has nothing to do with an academic debate. You haven’t in your nearly dozen messages made any attempt to establish your point, which is why one person rightly called you a “troll.”

“There is enough room in the world for everyone’s world view to be correct.”

No, there isn’t. Definitely not for naive relativism…or self-absorbed, pseudo-intellectual pretensions.

Thanks for your reply. Stereotypes and cliches exist for a reason. That; they fit a lot of patterns.

I am not trying to prove an strong academic type point. My comments are seriously in my opinion only.

If you see these patterns occurring through your relationships with women, take my advice, if not , cast it aside. I assure you that , that is of more use than arguing about academic points on a website which is designed to help intercultural couples, especially women share their experiences. My comments and the nature of the truth that I live goes against the idealistic grain, but it reflects the realities of the world.

There is enough room in the world for everyone’s world view to be correct. So to each his own. If, in living our own lives, we may help others by giving them glimpses to our own attitude, excellent.But nothing is right or wrong, or blasphemous, or stupid. What is definitely inappropriate is using coarse language that discourages free thought on an internet forum. That should be avoided.

Cheers,
LF

You have filled your head with profligate stereotypes.

1) If the guy doesn’t feel so good when the woman dominates, consequently ending the marriage in a divorce, it bothers you.

2) Shouldn’t it be equally bothersome for you to see a marriage where the guy dominates and the woman doesn’t feel good?

You haven’t made a case for 1) and against 2). And your examples are grotesque, for they are both “celeb” examples.

You have assiduously lobbied the “70-30″ (male-female) relationships without any shred of data to support them. One can employ the same rhetoric you used to counter your claims, by supporting “30-70″ (male-female) relationships. Do you see it?

Not going to be posting on this thread, with this, my side of the argument is completed.
In my posts I have described the process of betaization which occurs when men reduce their leadership in the relationship. And the solution that I recommended the males to take, was to lead more, and the females to embrace their feminine side more.

This process of betaization in a marriage can be clearly seen in this video. This is from Jon and Kate + 8, in which clearly, Jon seems to be more energetic and in charge of the relationship when they were dating, 10 years back. Later, Kate seems to be more in charge, as seen in the current time period interview. When women start to dominate too much, the guy doesn’t feel good, which leads to further issues. In Jon and Kates case it led to divorce.

Clearly seen here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU-R0R9PZR8

and in Cate Blanchett and her husbands case; here;
http://mpegmedia.abc.net.au/news/video/200909/20090925-blanchett-raw_video2.flv