Intercultural Relationship Resources
The following is a list of resources, including websites, online articles, and books, that might be of interest to intercultural couples. I’m going to be building it up slowly, as time permits, so check back every now and then to see if something has changed! Also try checking out the main Gori Girl site for my own advice, tips, and stories about intercultural relationships & Indian culture
If you notice that any of the links are broken, or if there’s a great resource that ought to be up here, let me know at gorigirl.admin@gmail.com.
Intercultural Websites and Blogs
- Association of MultiEthnic Americans * *
Name pretty much says it. Has a pretty spiffy website. - Interfaith Family: Encouraging Jewish Choices & a Welcoming Jewish Community * * *
A website on interfaith marriages with Jewish partners, but has articles that are good for anyone in an intercultural relationship - Intermarriage * * * *
A forum on IndieBride which discusses all sorts of mixed marriages - Intermix * * *
A British website focusing on any and all news of interracial or multiracial couples and families. Also has a forum and list of resources. - Interracial Family Circle: Providing a community for multiracial families, couples, and individuals * *
A community group based out of Washington DC for families that are intercultural or interracial
- Interracial Voice: The Philosophical “Voice of Conscience” of the Global Multiracial Movement *
Seems to be a dead site, and with a bit of political overtone. I haven’t poked around much, but there seems to be some interesting content. - MAVIN: the mixed race experience * *
They run a magazine and a few other projects for mixed race in the US - Metisse: An Online Magazine for Multicultural Young Woman *
Light on content and it doesn’t look like it’s been updated in awhile, but worth a glance. - The Multiracial Activist *
There’s a lot of content here, including a semi-active forum and blog posts. May not be everyone’s cup of tea. - Sardonic Sistah Says * * *
A black woman married to a Korean man blogging about racial issues
General Intercultural Articles
- Asian Pop: Opening the Box * * * *
Jeff Yang tackles intercultural dating in the Asian-American community in this great article. Useful points are brought up for anyone in a relationship where one partner is from an immigrant family.
Excerpt: “… No, the wisdom they sought to impart related to the Theory of Dating Relativity. Which is to say: The more similar your partner is to you without actually being a blood relative, the better… My parents weren’t being racist (or at least not maliciously so): Their beliefs were shaped by the reality in which they were brought up, and the culture to which they’d immigrated. They’d seen the challenges faced by people in mixed relationships, and they wanted my sister and me to have an easier life.” - Attitudes that Can Doom an Interracial Relationship * *
Written with a black-white focus, this article discusses some of the attitudes that can, well, doom an interracial (or intercultural!) relationship.
Excerpt: “Jennifer: There can be this concern that you’re disappointing your family even if you don’t hear anything.
Alexis: Sometimes you wonder: ‘Does he value me as much as he would as if I were the same race as he is?’ And I wonder if I’m overvaluing a white person because of internalized racism.“ - Color-Blind Love * *
An article discussing the difficulties of an intercultural relationship, by a Pakistani author married to a Greek.
Excerpt: “My views about such relationships are that while they bring cultures together, ultimately it is the individual one falls in love with, and his or her skin color or religion has nothing to do with why one falls in love in the first place. There’s a saying in Punjabi: “dil Khoti tay vi aa jaye, tay aa jaye” (love is blind – most certainly color blind).” - Cross-cultural love is in the air, but it’s a long and winding road to bliss *
The Viet Nam News reports on five intercultural relationships between Vietnamese and Westerners.
Excerpt: “I’m an Australian living in Viet Nam with my fiancee Bui Thi Quyen, who is Vietnamese. Quyen and I have both found a series of challenges to being a cross-cultural couple in Viet Nam. Still it could have been worse. While I met Quyen in Ha Noi, she is actually from the countryside town of Ba Vi, so her family is naturally a little more conservative than people from the cities. Despite this, they have welcomed me with open arms. The only condition for me and Quyen to live together under the one roof at my place in Ha Noi, was to have an engagement party first.” - The I Dos and I Don’ts of Intercultural Marriage * * *
A good article by the Washington Post via Interfaith Family. The article focuses on three common issues in intercultural relationships: speaking styles, child rearing, and extended family. Includes tips & ideas on how to overcome these and other issues.
Excerpt: “In reality, cultural differences often show up in more subtle and unpredictable ways than in the Hollywood models… Ben likes anyone entering their house to take off his shoes, a Japanese custom that was brought to Taiwan. Dot disagrees, so they have compromised by having a shoeless rug area; in other parts of the house, she may wear sandals. Ben also cares more about cleanliness at home than does Dot, which she attributes to his Southeast Asian roots. When it comes to vegetables, frozen ones are fine for Dot, but Ben wants his cut fresh and with sauce.” - International Marriages *
A short article that brings up the different points to consider in an international marriage.
Excerpt: “Those of us who appreciate exotic cultures often marry into them, enthusiastically but blindly. There are some common concerns about which all those who enter into an international marriage should be aware.” - Living in Japan: Foreign Wives Club *
The author discusses her difficulties in adopting to her husband’s country, and gives tips on how to cope with culture shock.
Excerpt: “Despite the difficulties, however, living in Japan was still an adventure. I could deal because, in my mind, my move to Japan was not permanent. It was only after my marriage and pregnancy that the reality started to hit me and deeper discontent set in. I realized that my child would grow up in a culture vastly different than my own. Even though we planned to raise our daughter bilingually, Japanese would likely be her dominant language.” - Many date outside their race * *
An article by the Indianapolis Star on interracial dating by Indiana youth.
Excerpt: “Isaac agreed that interracial dating isn’t a big deal. ‘A good amount of my friends are black, and I also have a lot of white friends,’ he said. Area students Brandon Boston, Sudarsan Chandrasekhar and Megan Cochran, all 18, are like the majority of Americans, according to a 2005 Gallup Poll. The survey found that a majority of Americans approve of interracial dating. As a group, young people had the highest approval rate — 95 percent. ‘Race isn’t the issue; finding the right person is the issue,’ said Sudarsan, who is of Indian descent and dated Megan, who is white, briefly. He will be a freshman at the University of Indianapolis. - Marriage is, after all, made in heaven * * (pdf)
A news story on the changing South Asian-American communities regarding interracial marriages. Lots of interesting sociological facts & figures.
Excerpt: “‘I always encourage focus on the good in each other and celebrating the differences. This especially applies to couples,’ said Mary. ‘Since Deven and I are from very different backgrounds, American/ Indian, Christian/ Hindu, engineer/ psychotherapist, we have had to choose to see the good in each other’s backgrounds. Because I have so completely embraced his culture, from the food to the clothing, his family says that I am more Indian than he is and they love me for loving them so much.’” - Mixed Marriages and How to Make Them Work *
A short article discussing mixed marriages from the expat viewpoint. Includes a list of good books to read.
Excerpt: “A U.S. Foreign Service officer once told me that meeting his wife while in training in Taiwan made perfect sense. He was in his late 20s, dating, and ready to find a lifetime partner. Being part of a community in which intercultural marriage is seen as perfectly logical and ‘going home to settle down’ at odds with his career plans, courting his wife in Taiwan seemed to present no complications or impediments.” - Nothing can prepare you * *
A short article in the Toronto Star on intercultural marriages, written by a white Canadian married to an Indian woman.
Excerpt: “Despite two homelands and scattered family, in the end it’s Shree and I that need to be happy and comfortable with each other, and that we are. The idea of cultural differences evokes things like religion and holidays, food, cultural traits and traditions (like arranged marriages in India). With Shree and I, the differences are often more subtle and personal, but rooted in our respective cultural backgrounds nonetheless.” - The United Colors of Desi * *
An article on intercultural marriages with a South Asian partner - has some great pictures of couples!
Excerpt: “When Sabeena Shah brought Joe Hubbard home to her parents, they knew she was serious. But they had questions. Would Hubbard fit into their Pakistani American extended family? Would he be able to fully embrace Islam? Shah’s father told Hubbard it wouldn’t work. This was ironic—primarily because, Shah’s mother, a white American, expressed some of the same ambivalence that her father did.”
General Intercultural Blog Posts
- cross-cultural marriages? *
A post detailing interracial marriages in Malaysia, including the different ethnic groups in the country, some of the problems of intercultural relationships, and the positives too.
Excerpt: “The lost of one’s heritage, cultures, language, and more importantly beliefs in religion are some reasons why some families are so skeptical of cross-cultural marriage. Yet we can’t deny what beauty cross-cultural marriage can bring to us if we can deal with them nicely.” - Intercultural Dating * *
A Russian-Jew/Armenian woman writes about the different intercultural relationships she’s had, and how others have reacted.
Excerpt: “… I am attracted to individuals, and it seems that these individuals happen to come from various cultural backgrounds. I do not choose them based on race or culture, I choose them based on personality (and yes, looks). The other day, I was trying to figure out what all the men that I have ever dated or wanted to date have in common, and I discovered that all of them are certified nerds. So there you go, I am attracted to nerds, and nerds come in all kinds of colors.” - Intercultural Marriage * *
A post on just that - the author’s thoughts on her intercultural marriage with her Russian husband. There are a few other posts on intercultural marriage, but that’s not the blog’s main topic.
Excerpt: “A successful intercultural marriage IS cool, but not because of what it looks like from the outside. It’s because of how much work it took to overcome the obstacles to communicate and understand each other well.” - My first real glimpse at hatred *
An African-American woman discusses her white boyfriend’s father’s response to their relationship. Another good post on the topic of intercultural-ness at the same blog can be found here.
Excerpt: “well, i guess one day Jason forgot to put the picture away because his dad saw it. and flipped out. his precious only son was dating a black girl. his father’s world had come crashing down in that instance. i’ll never forget that summer afternoon, while i was peacefully napping at home, and was suddenly jerked awake by the earsplitting sound of someone ferociously banging on the front door of my house.” - On Inter-racial and Inter-cultural Marriage * * *
A Jewish woman writes about her relationship and upcoming marriage to a Chinese man. Be sure to check out the comments section, and perhaps read more of the blog for wedding details.
Excerpt: “And as for not marrying a Jew? A lot of people ask me if I’m okay with it, because I wasn’t planning on marrying outside of my culture before. To be totally honest, I don’t think I would be okay with it if Mr. Cream Puff weren’t so open to my culture, and to raising any potential “Little Puffs” Jewish (and Chinese, of course). I also don’t think I’d be okay with it (and I’m being totally honest here) if I weren’t marrying someone with his own strong sense of culture.” - Thoughts and Advice on Interracial Marriages * * *
A post on a Muslim website on interracial marriages in the Muslim community, but the article brings up good points for any intercultural couple. Lots of great comments.
Excerpt: “This is a post I have been thinking about writing for quite some time because I have a lot of thoughts on this issue (the reasons why may be obvious from the rest of this post) and I wanted to get them down and get some feedback from other Muslims. Here is how I want to focus this topic: (1) Before Marriage - Stereotypes/Obstacles (2) During Marriage - Culture Clash, Confused Kids, and Bewildered in-Laws (3) Societal Ramifications (focus on living in the US) (4) Parting Comments” - Vive la Difference! * * *
A Christian minister celebrates her 15 year marriage to her Jewish husband, and how it has contributed to and changed her own faith.
Excerpt: “Here’s the truth of the matter: I am a better Christian for being married to Dan. Part of that has nothing to do with his religion–it has to do with his support of me, his wisdom, his curiosity, and the fact that he has been ‘game’ for a lot more church than he ever has wanted. But being married to Dan has also led me to examine the connections and differences between Christianity and Judaism on a much, much deeper level than I could without having an insiders view of Judaism.”
Intercultural Wedding Articles
- Are those matzo balls in my vindaloo? * * *
A wedding story between a Hindu bride and a Jewish groom with a focus on the food. Be sure to check out the pictures linked at the bottom of the story.
Excerpt: “The young couple look rapturous, if a little dazed, on their special day, as women in vivid saris in lime green and plum mingle with guests in black cocktail dresses and suits.” - The hot new wedding curry: Interfaith Marriages * * *
A long article on interfaith and intercultural marriages in the South Asian community. Includes detailed suggestions for wedding ceremonies, and lots of lovely pictures.
Excerpt: “Every little detail had to be worked out and we preferred to do it ourselves. There were two cultures involved, two faiths involved and completely two different languages. The whole marriage involved finding that delicate balance between both the religions involved – a task that might sound simple but is actually very difficult to do.” - Marriage of True Minds - Hindu intercultural and interfaith marriages * *
An article from beliefnet on intercultural marriages featuring Hindu and Sikh partners
Excerpt: If someone had told Steven Fleming, an Irish Catholic, that one day he’d be wearing a bright pink turban and silken kurta pajamas while dancing a Punjabi folk dance at his wedding, he would have said, ‘You must be joking!’” - Mixing it up: a case for Inter-faith and mixed marriages * * * *
A GREAT article on mixed marriages in the South Asian community, including a list of questions for couples to consider and tips on creating an interfaith marriage that will be meaningful for everyone involved.
Excerpt: “The surprising part is that most of this is happening with their parents’ blessings. It’s seems like parents who oppose marriage outside the religion tend to eventually reconcile themsel ves, sometimes reluctantly, to their children’s choices. Bitter ness often melts away on the arrival of a grandchild. Sometimes couples don’t even have to wait that long. Most parents and inlaws are weary of language and religious barriers because they are unaware of customs and comfort levels. The moment they feel at home and are comfortable with the respect from the other’s family, all is well with the universe!”
Personal Websites
- Darshani * *
She’s American and he’s South Indian. A few dead links, but a lot of great personal stories - The Iyer Family * *
He’s South Indian, and she’s American. Well designed site with information about the couple’s mixed-traditions marriage
Podcasts, Videos, and Photos
- Absolutely Intercultural * *
A bi-weekly podcast about all things intercultural by two Europeans - Celebrity Interracial Couples *
Pictures of interracial couples where one person is of African descent. - Intercultural Relationships: Can They Work? * * * *
An NPR recording of a discussion by the station’s cultural coach on intercultural relationships. - South Korea Tackles Multiculturalism * * *
All Things Considered - an NPR show - reports on the changes in rural South Korea, where many men, unable to attract Korean brides, are marrying women from other Asian nationalities.
Non-fiction Books - ordered by published date
- Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Multiracial Children by Donna Jackson Nakazawa (2004)
Not read, but it has excellent reviews. - How to Survive in International Marriage by Oksana Leslie (2004)
Not read. - Intercultural Marriage: Promises & Pitfalls by Dugan Romano (2001) * * * *
A comprehensive readable classic, touching on all the major issues a couple might have, interspersed with the stories of 20+ real intercultural couples. The focus is on relationships where the partners are from different countries, although I imagine it’d be useful for any couple to read. I was lucky to stumble upon this early in my relationship with Aditya. Get the second edition (2001), rather than the first (1988). - Love in a global village: a celebration of intercultural families by Jessie Carroll Grearson & Lauren B. Smith (2001) * * *
Written by a pair of women in intercultural marriages themselves, this book contains the stories of 15 families living in the Midwest. Each chapter contains one family’s interview, which is told in a prose style by the authors with extensive quoting. Quite readable, but I didn’t find it particularly useful for my own situation. The focus is again on bi-national couples. - Love’s revolution: interracial marriage by Maria P. P. Root (2001) * * *
See my in-depth review at this post.
While the academic-y writing style can become tiring at times, the book comprehensively covers the changing dynamics of interracial marriage in the US. The author, who is a practicing clinical psychologist, interviewed over 175 interracial couples and their extended families. This allows for a focus on how different families cope, or fail to cope when a person of a different race is added to the family dynamic. This book ought to be particularly useful for couples with extended family troubles. - Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: Celebrating Interethnic, Interfaith, and Interracial Relationships by Brenda Lane Richardson (2000)
Not read. - Crossing the Line: Interracial Couples in the South by Robert P. McNamara, Maria Tempenis, and Beth Walton (1999)
Not read. - Of Many Colors: Portraits of Multiracial Families by Peggy Gillespie and Gigi Kaeser (1997) * * *
Neat pictures, neat stories. Pretty much every interracial combination is represented here. - The Construction of Racial Identity in Children of Mixed Parentage: Mixed Metaphors by Ilan Katz (1996)
Not read. - Black, White, Other: Biracial Americans Talk About Race and Identity by Lise Funderburg (1995)
Not read. - Cross-Cultural Marriages and the Church: Living the Global Neighborhood by J. Lawrence Driskill (1995)
Not read. - Swaying: essays on intercultural love edited by Jessie Carroll Grearson & Lauren B. Smith (1995) * *
This book is a series of 15 essays by woman (about half of whom are American) in intercultural relationships. The essays cover different periods in a relationship, from early meetings to decades of marriage. While the format is interesting, the book contains a few essays that, frankly, are rather racist and completely useless. There are a few gems, but the editors should have displayed a bit more intelligence in their selections. - Mixed Matches: how to create successful interracial, intercultural, interethnic, and interfaith relationships by Joel Phd Crohn (1995)
Not read. - Inside the Mixed Marriage: accounts of changing attitudes, patterns, and perceptions of cross-cultural and interracial marriage edited by Walton R. Johnson and D. Michael Warren (1993) * *
I’ve only skimmed certain sections of this book, which consists of academic-type essays and personal stories/case studies. The book is broken down into four sections: defining and exploring the mixed relationship (the academic part), adjusting to racial and cultural pluralism (stories), becoming a minority through the study abroad experience (stories), and immersion in a new culture: living and working abroad (stories). Many different countries and types of relationships are discussed, and the case studies are written by the intercultural couples. - Adjustment in Intercultural Marriage edited by Wen-Shing Tseng, John F. McDermott, Jr., Thomas W. Maretzki (1977)
Not read. Appears to be academic essays with a focus on America.
Children’s Books - ordered roughly by age
Note: I have not read any of these books, so the reviews are coming straight from Amazon
- “More, More, More,” Said the Baby by Vera B. Williams
Ages Baby-Preschool. “A trio of multigenerational, multiracial ‘love stories’ about three pairs of babies and their grown-ups.” - The Aunt in Our House by Angela Johnson
Ages 4-8. “‘The Aunt’ comes to stay with the narrator’s family, and ‘me and Sister’ appreciate her mysterious presence. The siblings’ parents are artists; their white father paints the woman’s portrait while their African American mother teaches her to weave.” - Bear E. Bear by Susan Straight
Ages 4-8. Gaila’s teddy bear needs to be washed. “A large, warm, extended biracial family is depicted, and one of the special things about Bear E. Bear as noted by his owner is that when they’re both clean, they are the same light brown color.” - Billy and Belle by Sarah Garland
Ages 4-8. “Billy and Belle are eagerly anticipating the birth of a new sibling, but the impending arrival does not overshadow their excitement about pet day at school…School is depicted as a multicultural, stimulating environment, and the children’s household is a cozy and cooperative place with a black father and a white mother.” - Black is Brown is Tan by Arnold Adoff
Ages 4-8. “Originally published in 1973, Black Is Brown Is Tan was the first children’s book to feature an interracial family.” - Black, White, Just Right! by Marguerite W. Davol
Ages 4-8. “A mixed-race child celebrates the rich inclusiveness of her life in a joyful picture book.”
- Ginger Brown and Too Many Houses by Sharon Dennis Wyeth
Ages 4-8. This early chapter book explores the effects of divorce on a young multiracial girl. - Hair/Pelitos by Sandra Cisneros
Ages 4-8. “It is a bilingual story that describes the differences between family members’ hair. It offers children the experience of diversity within one’s own family and how we can accept the differences within our own family.” - Hard to Be Six by Arnold Adoff
Ages 4-8. “Being six is hard, especially when your sister is ten…Hanna’s full-page portraits of this biracial family are lovingly detailed…” - How My Parents Learned to Eat by Ina R. Friedman
Ages 4-8. “A bi-racial child tells the story of how her Japanese mother and American father met, fell in love, struggled to understand each other’s ways, and finally married.” - Liliana’s Grandmothers by Leyla Torres
Ages 4-8. “Liliana has two grandmothers from different countries, with different interests, and who speak different languages. This story presents the common differences in North American and Latin American cultures through a figure that is very important to both.” - Two Mrs. Gibsons by Toyomi Igus
Ages 4-8. “A narrator describes her life growing up with her African American grandmother and Japanese mother. She contrasts the women’s habits, attitudes, and personalities, and the activities she shares with each.” - A Visit to Amy-Claire by Claudia Mills
Ages 4-8. Describes the changing relationship between two young Asian/white cousins. - Edgar Allan by John Neufeld
Ages 9-12. “When the Ficketts decide to adopt Edgar Allan, they are sure they are doing a good thing–or so Reverend and Mrs. Fickett think. They don’t see the small boy as a ticking time bomb. But he is–because he is black, they are white, and their neighbors are determined to stop them. 12-year-old Michael Fickett is a witness to the town’s racism…and his life is changed forever.” - Sun Dance at Turtle Rock by Pat Costa Viglucci
Ages 9-12. “Cody, a bi-racial 12-year-old, visits his estranged white grandfather in the Allegheny foothills of Pennsylvania and finds both acceptance and prejudice against a backdrop of adventure.” - The Window by Michael Dorris
Ages 9-12. “…readers will “savor” this YA companion to Dorris’s adult novel A Yellow Raft in Blue Water; here, a younger Rayona is sent to foster homes when her Native American mother enters rehab, but ends up with her African-American father’s relatives in Kentucky.” - The World of Daughter McGuire by Sharon Dennis Wyeth
Ages 9-12. Features an 11-year-old girl of African, Italian, Irish, Jewish, and Russian descent whose life is changing dramatically. - Yoshiko and the Foreigner by Mimi Otey-Little
Ages 9-12. The author recounts the story of her parents’ first meeting and courtship in Japan. - Jubilee Journey by Carolyn Meyer
Ages 11-15. “Biracial Emily Rose knows more about her father’s French-Canadian family than her mother’s African- American heritage, and is puzzling over her sense of identity.” - The House You Pass on the Way by Jacqueline Woodson
Ages 12+. “In this understated story set in a small, mostly African-American community in the South, Staggerlee Canan is shunned by her peers because her mother is white.”
