This is Part Seven - the last of a continuing series on my Indian wedding adventure. If you’re new to Gori Girl, try checking out Part One, where the story starts.
When we left off (oh so long ago) on the story of Aditya’s and my Hindu wedding in Part Six, I mentioned we had just finished performing the Laja Homa, in which puffed rice is offered as a sacrifice to the fire.
After the Laja Homa, Aditya and I sat down again to exchange our marriage vows. Now, um, this is a bit embarrassing but, you guys? I totally let down all Americans in this part of the ceremony. I kinda sorta gave the impression to all the guests that adult, well-educated Americans (as represented by yours truly) don’t know where the heart is located. You know, the whole “dumb Americans” stereotype in living color.
I can explain. Really.
You see, when I was saying my part of the vows, at one point, the priest asked me to lean over and place my hand on Aditya’s heart while saying them. I can’t exactly remember what I was promising at the time – although at one point in the ceremony, I think I promised to bear twelve sons, which is most certainly not happening. Anyways, I leaned over, but our sitting positions – and the stiffness of my sari – made it difficult to reach all the way across to the left side of Aditya’s chest.
And our sharp-eyed priest totally noticed I wasn’t quite at the right spot. And announced to the entire crowd of guests & family members that it appeared that the bride didn’t know where the heart was located.
Let my story be a warning to all couples getting married: it is always dangerous to hire a priest with a sense of humor who likes to tease.
So the crowd broke down in laughter, Aditya grinned, and I turned red and laughed too (’cause, yeah, it was pretty funny). Then I was flustered, and, um, went for the liver. Yup. Yup, I know. *shakes head* The crowd went wild again.
On the third try, I got it more or less right, and our priest took pity on me and let the ceremony continue:
Yeah, that was my big oops of the wedding. It’s still discussed at family get-togethers. Ah, good times…
So, we exchanged vows. They were the pretty standard Hindu vows – you can read examples here – but I couldn’t tell you exactly what they were at this date. Since we had an Arya Samaj wedding, all of our vows were first translated into English, so that Aditya and I could both understand what we were promising.
After the vows, we took the traditional seven steps around the fire – the Saptapadi. Some Hindu traditions have seven circles around the fire, rather than seven steps, and the exact symbolism behind each step also differs from one version to the next. At our wedding, the priest recited the Arya Samaj meanings (which I really like) as we took each step:
- First Step is for Isha – nourishment – for fulfillment of the material needs of their family and for prosperity.
- Second Step is for Urje – strength – to develop physical, mental and spiritual strength.
- Third Step is for Rayasposha – honest wealth – to acquire wealth by diligent and righteous means and to spend it wisely.
- Fourth Step is Mayobhav – health – to develop harmonious relationship and be happy.
- Fifth Step is for Praja – progeny – to excel in raising strong and virtuous children.
- Sixth Step is for Ritu – good luck – for togetherness in all times and compatibility.
- Seventh Step is for Sakha – friendship – to be dependable and faithful to each other and life long companionship.
(I think those translations are correct.)
And thus, Aditya and I were married in the Hindu tradition.
After that, I was given the traditional symbols of marriage. First, Adtiya applied sindoor – i.e. vermilion powder – to the part in my hair. (I’ve blogged about wearing sindoor before here). Aditya has shaky hands, but managed to not get the red powder all over my forehead.
Then I was given a golden bangle, called a loha, which married women in Bengali families wear. Traditionally they’re made of iron, but today they’re more often covered in gold or completely made of gold, like mine.
While Aditya was putting the loha on, I noticed all of the younger guests were stealthily moving from where they had been previously standing to an area closer to the mandap (raised platform) where we were. It looked… suspicious. I wasn’t sure what was up, but the grins didn’t look promising.
Apparently, at the end of a Hindu wedding, the guests throw flower petals, not rice, on the happy couple. Except that flower buds can be thrown much more effectively than flower petals, and sting on arrival. And Aditya was due for some payback from previous weddings where he had pelted the bride and groom. Aditya’s played cricket with his cousins – he knew to duck. I didn’t:
I was just the poor, innocent bystander, brutally attacked with carnations.
And that was the end of our Hindu wedding ceremony. Afterwards, we had a sumptuous dinner with our guests, then headed back home for the after-party. Where I cleaned up a bit, removed the bindis from my face (with a bit of help), and then promptly fell asleep, still jet-lagged. But, luckily, not before I witnessed this:
The End.
6. November 2009 at 12:01 pm
Wow, you look lovely. I enjoyed every single post in your series. So, what all bridal gold did you get. I could never have imagined all of the gold I would end up owning as a gori bride. A real treasure with a bank locker to store it no less! Do you wear any Asian gold on a daily basis?
6. November 2009 at 5:25 pm
I don’t have a lot of expensive Indian jewelry, which is more than all right with me. There’s the wedding jewelery I’m wearing in the pictures, sets of earrings + necklaces that I got got from each of Aditya’s siblings + spouses, and then one more set of earrings + necklace + bracelet from Maa. And a few smaller pieces from Maa that I was given during that trip to India. And I guess since then I’ve received at least one set of earrings. Hmmm…
I guess that “a lot” is relative.
I try to wear my jewelry – even the fancier pieces – often. Otherwise it seems like a waste. I, of course, wear my gold bangle (the loha) almost every day (sometimes it gets left on the nightstand or around the house if I take it off to play sports/Rock Band). The other pieces I use to make my jeans + shirt office attire look a little less casual. This weekend I’ll be wearing the wedding necklace for the first time since the wedding – finally found an event where it would fit in well.
Oh, and Sepia Mutiny just had a great post on keeping your jewelry safe. This is probably the one place where Kajol & Panda earn their keep.
7. November 2009 at 12:17 am
yep actually that does sound like “a lot” compared to what you would have owned if you weren’t married to a S. Asian guy!!!
7. November 2009 at 8:39 am
GG, thanks for posting that link to the SM story; I hadn’t heard about that. Scary!
I wear my mangalsutra, two pairs of earrings, and my bangles pretty regularly. Everything else stays locked up and only gets pulled out for weddings because they’re a bit much for everyday use.
6. November 2009 at 12:09 pm
“shaky hands”?
look who’s talking ms. shaky-photographer.
6. November 2009 at 1:46 pm
GG:
Youve done a seven part series on how you guys got married.
Now make ADITYA do a seven part series on how you guys GOT to this stage!
Cheers,
Lurker F
NB: Would love to come to the whole meetup thingie in the midwest. But I can’t. Have fun though!
6. November 2009 at 5:14 pm
I wish I could make Aditya write something for the blog. But he’s lazy…
10. November 2009 at 9:57 pm
Accha thik hai.
Agar Aditya baabu ko mann nahin hai kuch likhene ka, tho
usski pativrita patni se kaho ki wohi kuch likh de iss vishay par.
Main aapka bahut abhaari rahoonga ,
Aapka,
Lurker Frequente
12. November 2009 at 3:26 pm
Well, I suppose I could… I’ll have to think about it, tho – I’m not sure if most of it is blog-worthy material.
13. November 2009 at 10:46 pm
Gori,
Is it just me or do Indian guys just LOVE gori girls?
I dont see as much of the opposite type pairings, in my experience.
?
If you ask me; I’m pretty impartial. “internal goodness” is attractive.
8. November 2009 at 1:57 pm
GG I loved reading all seven parts of your wedding story, it was good. It would be nice if the husband wrote something on here, maybe he will someday. About the whole heart thing don’t worry I use to do that lot growing up. I have learned something from working in health care just turn the image around in your mind or cross your left arm over your right and you have the persons heart in the right place now. I love all the bangles in the photos I love to wear bangles, just hate that I can’t wear them to work
11. November 2009 at 12:10 pm
I love reading your wedding story and I love all the great traditions and symbolism of hindu weddings. Its also interesting to see the differences in different cities, as the wedding I went to was in Chennai and they did somethings similarly and a lot of things really differently. You guys both look so nice and really happy together too! Wish I lived close enough to be a part of the meet-up you mentioned in an earlier post!
12. November 2009 at 3:29 pm
Yes, the traditions certainly differ by region! We didn’t do a traditional Bengali wedding (Aditya didn’t want to wear the customary Bengali groom’s hat), but more of a pan-India, stripped-to-the-basics Vedic one. I’m glad that we went the route we did, since I’m too fidgety to sit through a longer ceremony.
20. November 2009 at 12:03 pm
Thanks again for your wonderful blog! Finally a blog that shares the happiness that my hubby-to-be and I have for each other! (Oh yea, and the silliness/dorkiness too.)
5. March 2010 at 6:34 am
AW…. I love your blog! May I ask what the difference is between A Hindu wedding an a Bengali wedding?
19. July 2010 at 5:28 am
Congratulations!! Felt really happy after viewing the site.