You just described my Nepali husband to a T.

I know that on the surface there are lots of things that seem different in each state/place. As I thought about this more, I realized I place a different value on things which are personal/style based and things which are social norms and expectations. The latter is what I would call culture. In that, I think the similarities outweigh the differnces. Examples of that are a sense of modesty/covering up, no PDA between sexes, affection between male friends, dating and promiscuity being frowned upon, respect to elders/parents, arranged marriage, joint family concept, removing shoes, not touching books with feet, eating with hands, “namaste” -tho in various languages, religious devotion- though it might be changing, I think regardless of religion, people in India are more devout. Theres many more widespread “Indian” things such as using the right hand, female nose piercing, Indian toilets, train, buses, rikshaws, even certain hand and head gestures.

The things which I would relate to “regional styles” for lack of a better word are things such as dance, dress, food, festivals, etc. While there are tons of differences, there are still similarities. Saree and salwar may be of different materials, worn a different way, have regional designs, but it is still recognizable as such. Same with bangles. Kathakali and bharatnatyam in south, odissi and dandia in north. Tabla, mridingam. You have phulka, dhokla, chai in Gujarat, and chapathi, idli, coffee in Tamilnadu. I know there are more food habits that differ too. I can see where there is a lot of diversity in these things and a million more and especially in language. I just think the “core” remains same(or close enough, lol)

I didnt mean to write a book, I just enjoy this type of discussion, hehe. I love to hear others perspectives… Maybe thats the whole point of these blogs right?

I think there are certain things that stand out as being Indian though. Its something in the speech patterns, mannerisms, gestures, and that “je ne sais quois”. If I see someone from far away, I can usually guess if they are FROM India(as opposed to born here, or a different nationality). However those things could soften over time spent in another country and doesnt make somebody ‘less indian’ of course.
I wouldnt say the culture between Indian states is vastly different. While there are some variations in customs, etc, the major and basic things are the same or similar.
Just to note, Im in no way in favor of stereotyping “All Indians” or Americans

Dont worry NK, I surely wont be making a post on it, lol, but I would join in the debate if you do
I still havent come across the post you mention. Going to have to find that! haha

Actually I tried to make it abundantly clear that my post was based on my own, narrow perceptions and that in the end, defining what Indianness is is essentially impossible, a mystery. But I think anyone can observe, take things in, have experiences, and be left with impressions of phenomenons such as Indianness and Americanness.

But now I’m going to kind of do it anyway – America and India, as countries, are both large, influential democracies. But India seems to pride itself on a kind of united pluralism, where states have wildly different cultures and even languages. America has different regional (sub?)cultures, but it definitely seems like one of them is the standard, and everything else is defined by its difference from that. I can’t really link this to different attitudes among people, though.

I think it’s mostly that Americans don’t have a concept of Dharma. Americans don’t really have Artha either (not as an admirable goal, anyway – what was it about a rich man getting into heaven being like putting a camel through the eye of a needle?). The American Puritan heritage is all about Moksha, and the consumerist culture is all about Kama. I think a lot of how one looks at life can be determined by how you balance those four things ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purusharthas ).

What a beautiful post! Just wanted to let you know that both M and I are utterly convinced that you’ll have no problem winning over R’s Mom. M thinks that if it works out, R’s Mom will be so thankful to have you as part of her family because you are simply amazing!

When you talk about the way that people really listen to you in India, I think that’s the “Indianness” I really see and appreciate in M. He listens to me like no one else ever has. But it’s not just me, he does that with other people too – it makes them feel appreciated.

I find it very interesting to read about Indian families that have immigrated to the US, and the families’ children who grew up here – the stories are often similar to my own experiences, but there are also major differences. Aditya came to the States as an adult, so he already had a developed personality & culture, if you will. Children who immigrate seem to have a harder time as they grow up in – and in between – two cultures. It sounds like R has done a great job balancing the two parts of his life.