Gori Girl

Post edited 9:50 pm – May 21, 2009 by TheGoriWife

Here's ours, which is similar but considerably longer.

September 2003 – M (my husband) changes from his student visa status to OPT status after graduation and moved several states away for his new job.

December 2003 – We're married. We spend the next six months living separately because I had to finish up college and we wait to file any immigration paperwork because we fear that having two different addresses will raise some flags.

August 2004 – We finally live together like a normal married couple and finally file all of our paperwork; M applies for an Employment Authorization Document (EAD) and an Advance Parole on the “Seeking Adjustment of Status” basis while waiting for our stuff to go through. ($) It would end up being a long wait.

(In the year interim, we go to our local USCIS office every 4-6 weeks to check on things)

Fall 2004 – M has to renew his EAD and Advance Parole. ($$)

September 2005 – We're finally called for our green card interview. Our interview was even easier than Gori Girl's because we weren't asked ANY questions about our relationship. Our interviewer silently flipped through M's file, asked only for our tax returns from the previous 2 years, and declined when I asked if she wanted to see the pictures I'd brought with me. Then she said she would approve his application the same day but wouldn't be able to stamp his passport that day because his “name check was still pending.” We were sent home expecting his green card to show up in a few weeks.

Fall 2005 – Renew EAD and Advance Parole ($$$)

(For the next TWO years we go to the USCIS office every 6 weeks to check the status of his name check. No answers. At one point we got a semi-lucid USCIS officer who suggested there was some problem with M's A-number – there were two different ones and he was going to petition to merge them. Every other time we came after that the officers said there was NO problem with his A numbers – even when we got the same guy again! We were always told that the hangup was that M's FBI name-check was still pending, that there was nothing we could do to speed it up, no one we could talk to at USCIS or the FBI to inquire into it and that we had no recourse. 

Fall 2006 – Renew EAD and Advance Parole ($$$$) Spend 2 weeks freaking out when the EAD takes longer than expected and he is sent home because he's no longer able to work in the US legally. (He was instructed to apply 3 months prior to its expiration, and that year it was changed to 6 months. It's only good for 1 year and he had to apply 6 months before its expiration?!?)

October 2006 – Our son is born. A US citizen.

Fall 2007 – Renew EAD and Advance Parole ($$$$$).  M misses out on a great business opportunity where his company wanted to send him to do their stuff in Saudi Arabia during Hajj season because his advance parole has lapsed and it takes months to get a new one.

November 2007 – I contact my Congressman, Frank Wolf. His constituent services office gets back to me via form letters within a few weeks, and every month or two thereafter to say they're still looking into his case.

February 2008 – We make our usual appointment to check out the local USCIS office and are treated more rudely than ever before. Apparently once you've contacted your congressman or -woman, you get thrown into a different line and they don't expect or want you to show up and check on your case individually anymore. It's all supposed to go through your congressperson's office thereafter. We waited more than an hour for the Congressional division rep to come down, only to hear him tell the officer we were dealing with to do whatever she had to do to get rid of us. When he finally shows up he is so rude he makes me cry. Which I never do in public.

March or April 2008 – I get a letter from Congressman Wolf's office that the problem has been found and it's (gasp!) that he had two different A numbers! It was to be sorted out shortly.

May 2008 – M's green card arrives in the mail!

(The lowdown on the problem: When M came to the US he was given an A number that started with 135 or something, and that's what we put on the application for his green card. Perhaps we were supposed to leave that blank, because for the green card application, he was issued a new A number that started with 9, I think. Whenever we asked if that was the problem we were told that the 135 number was a “machine generated number” and couldn't be his real A-number, so there couldn't be a problem (What the hell ever…) But if he wasn't supposed to have an A number, or put it on the form, then why was there a box that said A-number? And if the 135 number was so obviously a “machine generated number” why was half his application under that anyway?

Post edited 9:54 am – May 22, 2009 by DJain

Don't get married in India first!!!  Your instinct is correct that  you should do a civil ceremony here first.  Apparently getting married in another country nullifies your foreign spouse's visa, and he/she can't reenter the country until you've applied for a spouse visa.  We had a good thread going about this at the Indian Ties forum, so you might want to check that out, or more people might be able to respond here. 

We got married at the courthouse in the US first, and had already started the green card process before we went to India a year later for our Indian wedding.  That made travel out/into the US very easy, because my husband already had his advance parole documents or whatever they are called. 

I highly recommend using an immigration lawyer.  Ours was through the Catholic charity Refugee and Immigration Services, and it was cheaper than a private lawyer (about 500 dollars) and worth Every Penny.

Most immigration attorneys will provide you with a lot of information/advice over the phone (or perhaps in person) for free or for a small consulatation fee. Look at the American Immigration Lawyers Association (AILA) directory to find some local attorneys who specialize in immigration law who you can call.

I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend is also on an F1. We haven't made any definite wedding plans, but we will soon. I've gotten a flavor for the whole US vs. India wedding dilemma. I'm not an immigration attorney, but I happen to know several and have picked their brains on the issue as well. Anyhow, my understanding from them, based on MY situation, is that it's tough to get married to a US Citizen in India and for him come back on an F1. That's not to say that people don't do it, it's just that if someone decides to question your husband at the airport then he may be denied entry. Or, if you get asked about it at your greencard interview and the officer decides that your husband had immigrant intent when he entered on the (nonimmigrant) F1 visa after the Indian wedding, it could mean up to a 10 year bar to entry. Even though people "get away with it" sometimes, I really don't think it's worth the risk. If you DO decide anyway to get married in India first and then have a civil ceremony here, you will want to wait some length of time (a few months) between coming back into the country and having the civil ceremony, because immigration officers apparently look suspiciously upon folks getting married too soon after entering the US (even if not for the first time) on a nonimmigrant visa.

What would seem to make more sense in my case is to get married legally in the US before travelling to India. The processing time to get advanced parole (which is what your boyfriend will need to travel to India once you get legally married and then file with USCIS) is around 3-4 months after you file. (You have to file for advanced parole at the same time.) If you had the civil ceremony in the next month or two (after his qualifiers, perhaps), and filed immediately afterwards, then you should be okay to travel to India for a December/January wedding, but you may want to run that by somebody.

One other caveat – this probably won't work if your boyfriend has been out of the country very recently or needs to leave the country between now and December – the whole intent issue I discussed above.

It really stinks – I'm dreading the idea of potentially having multiple weddings several months apart. As someone said to me, these rules may have made sense under Teddy Roosevelt, when people boarded steamers to travel abroad, but they're really a pain today. But, they're the rules we're stuck with. Anyhow, I would highly suggest calling someone to discuss your specific situation, but I hope some of this helps. It may also help in dealing with your fiancee if he knows that you had advice from an immigration lawyer.

Heather,

My boyfriend also said the same as what you mentioned. He said we would have a Hindu ceremony (religious ceremony, not legal ceremony, reported to goverment) and then marry in the U.S. a few months later. I'm also going to India in December/January like you.

If you are only having a religious ceremony for his friends and family, I would think it would be fine.

Just my opinion though.. Anyway, congrats! Perhaps we'll be on the same plane. :) We leave mid-December out of Newark, N.J.

chrissy said:

Hello everyone.  I love reading the posts.  I have a question related to this…if anyone knows the answer…..My husband and I have been married since 2005.  He did not receive his green card in hand until 2008 though due to the slowness of the i.n.s. (it was a real pain).  but anyway…just wondering does anyone know when he is eligible for citizenship?  I have heard –if married to a U.S. citizen, then you have to have your green card for 3 years before you are eligible.  is that right?   

I just heard from someone that it's 4 years wait now!! I will have to ask a lawyer.

Fightingback – There are different kinds of visas that might be called a "student visa."  Definitely call a lawyer – many of them will do consults for free or little charge.  A lot of the discussion above is about one type of student visa, an F-1 visa, but another kind, a J-visa, is apparently WAY more complicated and generally requires the holder to return to their home country.  (A friend of mine is running into this issue.)  In any event, everyone's situation is different, so I'd call an immigration lawyer, even if V has an F-1 visa, to discuss your situation.   

Sorry, no clue about immigration stuff, but I wanted to respond to a couple of things in Jenn23's post.

Jenn23 said:

Hey Heather,

We live near Philly, so Newark is definately the easiest for us, but we will compare prices with JFK. I know the Continental flight from Newark is $1800, so I'll check to see if JFK is cheaper. I wish we could fly out of Philly, but we want to fly direct and so Newark it is…actually, we are flying to Dehli, then Lucknow. So I guess we wouldn't be on the same plane! When are you going? I think we'll leave mid-December and stay until the first week of January (3 weeks or so).

G, my BIL and I just flew Newark –> Delhi in early January. We took Jet Airways and it was about $1450 round trip. The flight had a brief layover (~3 hours) in Brussels — just enough time to transfer and stretch out a bit. We left and returned on a Monday, which turned out to be less expensive than the weekend flights. I've been told that the flights in December are more expensive than if you wait until January because everyone tries to go over the holidays, but that's not something that can be helped.

{snip}

I'm looking forward to India, but I'm nervous! I'm trying to learn more Hindi and still searching for Indian foods that I enjoy. Unfortunately, most foods I don't seem to like. I'm not giving up though! Has anybody on here gone through this? From what I've read, it seems most people love or at least like Indian food. Anybody like me out there?

Some questions to try to pinpoint your problems with Indian food: What have you tried so far? What is it about those foods that you don't like (texture, spicyness, bitterness)? What kind of foods do you normally like? (I'm thinking this is a good topic for the food section…"Indian food for newbies" )

Thanks, D, for the information. We are considering a layover due to the fact I've never flown for more than 4 hours! The flight from Delhi to Lucknow tacks on another $500 for both of us, so we are looking at close to $2,000 a person. I've heard December is the "busy" month so I know prices will be higher. :(

On a happier note, my bf told his mom last week that we want to be married in December. I don't consider us officially "engaged" (no ring yet) but since December is only six months away, he had to mention this to his family before it got any closer, so he told his mom on the phone last week.  She became very excited, so all is well on that end! (Family acceptance and all) Anyway, long story short-his mom is now going around planning everything. I'm excited, but nervous! It has helped reading everybody's wedding stories on this site. I'm sure I will re-read them again and again over the upcoming months!

Thanks DJain. We will be married in Lucknow, his hometown. (Few hours from Delhi) I'm very excited! A little nervous though! I've never been outside the U.S. (Well, Mexico for a one day cruise stop and the Carribbean…) so all of this will be new and exciting! How did you prepare for the ceremony? What are the best resources to read up on Hindu ceremonies? I know they all vary from region to region. Also, his mother mentioned me wearing a lengha (becoming more common now I think?). Did any of you wear these? I can't believe from photos I've seen how much tummy is showing! Yikes! Those photos prompted me to start dieting and excercising pronto!  :)

Yes, I had never been outside the US either, so it was a great experience!

I didn't really prepare for the ceremony at all, other than watching Hindi movies that had weddings in them.  There is no such thing as a "rehearsal dinner" like in the US.  I just showed up, and did what I was told, and it worked out great!  The main thing was that I was really nervous, because I hadn't met most of the people who were there.  Later on my husband's family remarked on how demure I was, keeping my eyes down and stuff, but it was really because I was scared to death!  Don't let that scare you though, because it was really fun and I treasure my memories of it.

I wore a lehenga, but the way that the dupatta was draped my stomach didn't really show at all.  My husband's family is Jain/Marwari, and the style of wedding clothes is a bit different (usually lehengas and not saris, the way of draping the dupatta, etc), plus my didis thought it was not as fashionable these days to wear the dupatta over the head.  Here is a picture:

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh…..directlink

DJain, that picture is great! Were you able to communicate with his family at the wedding? I only know a few simple words and phrases (Hindi) so far, but I'm working hard at learning much more before December. Shwet has told me his immediate family speak English very well, but many of the extended family members don't speak any, so that could be difficult.

Since there isn't a rehearsal, how do you know what to do during the ceremony? Are you told as you go along? That's what worries me!

Sistergh, thanks for the tips. You live in NJ? I'm an hour drive from South Jersey, so the stores you mentioned aren't too far! His mom mentioned us arriving in India one week before the wedding to give us time to get the dress. I've heard that the time period we are going is a very popular time for weddings so the stores will be busy. I hope we will have time to get a dress altered in time! Now that you've mentioned this, I wonder if it would be best to purchase the dress here and take it with me to India? Hmmm…anyway, can't wait to see your wedding pics!

Double-posting because I also started a thread about shopping for Indian stuff in the US: http://gorigirl.com/forum/ever…..-in-the-us

Jenn, almost everyone in my husband's family speaks fluent English (except for my MIL, who is taking English classes).  So language was not an issue, thank goodness!  My SILs told me what to do as we went along, and my husband translated what the pundit was saying (the pundit was totally cool with pausing so that my husband could quietly tell me what had been said, etc.).