Julia, if you go the Intercultural Resources page, there's a section on interfaith relationships that includes, among other things, a really great guide from an organization in the UK. I mention it since you say that you've only dated other white Catholics up 'til now… Feel free to post any questions that occur to you, even if they seem silly/weird – I remember that I had a crazy number of questions about Aditya's faith & culture when we first started dating. (Well, don't post questions that will be answered by a link to http://lmgtfy.com/ – but I suspect you already knew that).
Kratos, the forum has been a bit slow with the holiday season (as has been my posting – blame work deadlines and visiting family!), but I expect it'll pick up again. If you've got an urgent question or really want to get feedback on your thoughts, feel free to email me at gorigirl.admin@gmail.com. I'll go check out your new thread in the section you mentioned later tonight when I get a chance. I'm very sorry to hear that you feel your parents have made it difficult to maintain an intercultural relationship.
On a lighter note, you're right that the Dark Knight was a flipping amazing video. First movie we got on bluray (along with The Boondock Saints, which is also flippin' amazing).
1. Who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself. Hi, I'm a 26 year old female. I can't seem to think of a better term to describe myself than "American mutt" like I have seen in some other posts. My background is both Czech and German, but my families on both sides have been in the US so long, that we've lost all of those cultures except eating pork & sauerkraut on New Year's Day! I was raised Christian and am a member of a Methodist church, though my religious views are very relaxed. I believe that there is a God and that He may play a role in our daily lives, but I'm not sure about that and I feel organized religion is important only if you feel the need to partake. I attend church sometimes when I'm visiting my parents, but otherwise I don't really participate in organized religion.
I am into both the science and art sides of things. I make my living in the biotech industry, where I met my boyfriend, and I dabble in the artistic things at home. Singing is probably my biggest passion other than my family and boyfriend!
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us? I have been looking for some advice and support for the situations involved in being in an intercultural relationship, so I googled and found this site.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
My boyfriend S and I have been together for nearly 2 years. His parents were born and raised in India and moved here before having their family. S was born here and though his background is Gujarati, he lives in a kind of a generic American way with me, and he is even less religious than I am. He is not very in touch with his culture and has been out of touch with his parents for some time. My parents met him well over a year ago and he is adored by most of my family. I have still never met his family and I had no problem with this because he was not close to them. But recently he has begun to feel that he should rebuild the bond between himself and his mother, father, and sister before her upcoming wedding. I am very happy for this change in him because family is extremely important to me and it has been hard for me to see him miss that relationship when he sees how close I am with my family.
His sister knew about me as did some cousins and an aunt. None of them seemed disapproving, but he was still hesitant to tell his parents. When he and I decided to move in together last winter, he felt it necessary to let his mother know what was going on. She wasn't a big fan of the idea, and I'm only realizing now that living together unmarried is a much bigger deal in his culture than in my (basically lack of) culture. My parents are fine with the idea because they know it helps me save money and stay protected. They also respect that I am very liberally minded.
After the New Year, S decided it was time to visit his family's home and see his whole family together. He sometimes kept in touch with his mother and sister, but not with his father. It was on this trip (not even a week ago) that his father first found out he had a girlfriend, let alone his having a white girlfriend, let alone him LIVING with this white girlfriend.
Suddenly I found myself in a position I had never imagined before. It had never occurred to me that I might not be accepted by his family because he had never had them as a part of his life during our time together. And now I am facing the consequences of our cultural differences. I know that his culture's expectations for a woman are vastly different than my own, but I want to show his family that I want him to be happy and I want to take care of him. But I didn't know what he might do if his parents didn't accept me and he had to choose between me and them. After a few days (very, very tense days for me) he told me that if they didn't accept me, they would just have to lose their son all over again. So I know where I stand with him, but I would hate to be the cause for his family to fall apart as they have in the past. I fear that he would someday come to resent me if that was the outcome.
I wish I knew the right time and right way to meet them. I do not want to interrupt their very busy wedding-planning days with a stressful meeting. And S is hesitant to introduce us now when he is just rebuilding their relationship, which I completely understand. Though this situation has only existed a mere 6 days, it has completely consumed me. I can't sleep at night save for restless sleep filled with horrifying nightmares about being forced to marry someone I don't know or having our son (we do not have kids, just in this dream!) being taken away from me.
Please, does anyone have advice for winning over his parents? I am not lucky enough for him to have parents more on the liberal side like your in-laws, Gori Girl!
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it? just parts of my name and the year i was born
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)? n/a
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far? i don't know yet, but i certainly hope i can find some support here!!
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
i don't know….
Sorry this was such a long "welcome" post! I just couldn't help getting all that off my chest!
First off, lcota83, you should be extraordinarily thankful and consider yourself blessed that your bf, S, is as strong as he is. Honestly, that should be a sign that your relationship is incredibly strong and built on some pretty solid foundations of trust and candidness. With that said, be joyous that you have already won half the battle – your bf is on YOUR side!! As for winning the parents over, if they are completely mired in their culture and their beliefs, then I would do exactly what GG did when she was meeting her in-laws, which is to learn as much as you can from the Internet, books, your bf, and his sisters and cousins. Think of it this way – you are on an international business trip meeting with a bunch of execs in China and you need to know the customs and cultural nuances and novelties to fit in. Study the culture in that perspective and you will do just fine.
One thing, BE SURE THAT YOU GET AN EXACT LOCATION AS TO WHERE YOUR BF'S FAMILY ORIGINATED FROM IN INDIA. Understand, that India may be united by the Letter of the Law, but in terms of its Spirit, that is a whole nother issue. You see, even though S is from a Gujurati background, there are small, but precise and meticuluous subtleties in the behavior pattern and the lifestyle between different Gujurati families. You can usually detect where a family is from or from what region of the state of Gujurat based solely on their last name. One thing that you have working for you is that the Indian culture is a VERY assembly-line based culture. This means that once you get a sort of routine down in terms of learning their traditions and concerns, they don't tend to veer too far away from these preset behaviors. It is something that is hardcoded into their internal memories and mental constructs that hardly ever leaves them, even in adulthood. The following are a general list of concerns that the parents will have, which you must address and often times must re-emphasize that the following issues do not concern your case because you are unique, different and truly care for S:
1. They tend to think that American women (gori girls) will divorce their hard-working husbands when they get bored with them. They feel as though American women don't understand and don't have a full comprehension of what a committed relationship is.
2. They think that American women are too loose in their behavior and their choices of apparel. They feel as though gori girls will "flirt with the next Romeo and run off with the next Fabio" (my parents' words, not mine).
3. They feel as though an American woman will introduce too much of an instability in the family infrastructure and will be unable to provide sufficiently for the kids and her husband. They are concerned that their son will not be properly fed with the appropriate Indian vegetarian diet. They are also concerned that American women will not have the focus and fortitude to stick with tough times and be pillars of support to the husband in times of terrible transition or health issues.
4. They are also concerned that even though the American woman might not divorce her husband, she will sneak behind his back and run-off and have affairs with other men. They are also concerned that the American woman will steal money from the husband or will make unfair demands of the husband, such as completely dissipating all ties with his family, including his mother and father. In your unique case, the latter isn't too much of a concern since he already set the terms of agreement on the table when he said that it is THEY who risk losing their son a second time by THEIR behavior.
5. Finally, they are concerned that you will not continue on their proud traditions and culture into the next generation. Understand, that much of Indian society is still based off of a semi-Victorian English structure where the next generation is DEMANDED and OBLIGATED to carry on the traditions of their forefathers. Therefore, they are concerned that their traditions and family line will end with their son if he marries someone who isn't "fit to carry on the family bloodline" Also they are concerned with their social status of their son goes and does something as dishonorable and taboo as marry someone who is not from the same caste and the same region of India as their son is from.
Take heart, because it sounds like they are not as bad as some conservative sets of parents. It will depend on their general demeanor and how much footwork your bf does in bridging his own relationship with his parents. I wish you the very best and may God see you through. Be proud that you have a bf who is willing to stand up to the ones he loves on your behalf. Few can say this when it comes to intercultural relationships, based on what I HAVE EXPERIENCED (NOT SAYING THAT THIS UNIVERSAL FOR ALL THOSE WHO WILL PROBABLY WANT TO ARGUE THIS LAST POINT WITH ALACRITY).
I agree with Kratos on this last point about you being lucky that he will stand up for you not matter what… my bf won't. I'm not sure if I would either though so I'm not trying to knock South Asians. Its a horrible pickle to be in…
Knowing that he will stand by your side is huge, more than half the battle won in my opinion, even more like 75% :)
All you can do is try to learn as much as you can. When you experience things that are different from your cultural norms either via the internet, books movies, friends etc, ask your bf if those are the case with his family or if they are just random personality traits. It is easy to see an Indian family for example do many things and have everyone assume that all their actions are done in the way they are because of their culture… so much of it is personality and specific to the one person/family. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. What I am trying to say is based on my experience. My bf is Pakistani and I also am very close to two other PK families. Whenever they do stuff that I find unusual, interesting or even offensive, I ask my bf for his opinion on the matter. Sometimes he agrees with what what the other families had done but lots of the time, if not most of the time, he tells me that his family is completely different, that he disagrees, that it is a social class thing etc. The best thing is just to keep communicating with your bf.
To help win over his parents, I think learning their language or at least key phrases to start, is something that many people find charming, no matter where they are from. Smiling a lot should help too I think.
Let us know how is all pans out. I hope that is works out well :)
Hey y'all! So I posted the details of or predicament last night but I thought I'd take a few to make formal introductions.
1. Who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself.
Well…I'm a 25 year old Texas ray of sunshine! I work hard, play hard and LOVE getting to know people and learning about everything. I work in the hospitality industry and like to cook, watch HGTV and play dominoes. My bf is an engineer and likes motorcycles, kebabs and me!
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
Off and on for the past two years I have googled various questions regarding Indian American relationships…even tried "TexIndia lovas" at one point but didn't find anything. The past week has taken us to a place we didn't prepare ourselves for so out of sheer curiosity I googled "Indian American elope" and found a lot of great destination wedding sites and then this! I'd say the more sound option was Gori Girl. I immediately texted my better half and we've been glued to the computer screen since read and taking in the realization that there are actually others out there who understand what we're going through. It couldn't have come at a better time…
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
Yep. We've known each other for about three years and have been in a relationship for two. I've always been drawn towards various cultures and people from all walks of life. In my chosen industry I work with all types and of course have guests on a daily basis from all over the world.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
My actual name as derived from a French term means short or snub nose…in English is courteous…so instead of that I picked "Yours Truly" as my nickname on here, has a better ring to it!
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
It's a sun because I'm optimistic for brighter days.
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
So far I am really enjoying it. Kratos said on an earlier post that there is sometimes a lack of participation and activity on the forums. I have been reading through some of the posts and it does seem that there are fewer posts recently but I am hopeful that more will tune in and provide their insight into every one's little world.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
I'm hesitant to really post anywhere at this point. I am trying to take it all in for now but once I am more familiar with the various situations I will feel more inclined to provide my two cents. I feel like going through this situation has provided me the opportunity to reflect deeper into myself and others that I never realized was necessary. I don't know how to explain it clearly, but I almost feel like what we're going through right now is not completely tangible for me. He is the one at home every day on the front lines, and I am just sitting here waiting for my chance to chime in. it's hard to try to comment on what others are feeling when I am not even sure without any doubt what I am feeling.
I am a Danish girl, that are finishing up my master at Copenhagen Business School right now in supply chain management . 26 years old. I have been living in India for 4,5 month, 3,5 studying and 1 month traveling. And been there 2 since, and i just simply seem to love it more and more. 2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I as lookig for a blog ike this with the help from Google.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
I am in a relationship with a born and raised Hyderabad guy. The short story goes like this: I took a term at IIMC in fall of 2008, and meet (lets call him AJ) there. We have been together since, right now we are both applying for jobs in London, so that we can live in the same place, this is the goal for 2010, cause i am almost done with school now, so i can actually move away from Denmark.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
Someone once told me that my name mean butterfly.
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I really like the stories from real life in a interculturel relationship, it is written is such a way that it inspires you to take part of it and write what is on your mind.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
Hi, everyone, my name is Ashley. I am 23 years old and am currently graduating from university and than going to teachers college. I was born in and live in Canada. I am an Indian Christian, as my name suggests. Interracial relationships or dating is not new to me. My family is pretty liberal, my extended family is a litttle more traditional, but still not too bad (as in they won't disown me, try to kill someone, etc…I never know that all of that was still in common, but after reading some posts on the internet, apparently it's more than I thought). My main objective is to let people know that that interracial relationships do succeed!
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I was on google, and I typed, "Indian and white relationships and I came across your website, its great by the way :)
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
As, I said earlier, interracial relationships are nothing new to me. My uncle was the first person, in our family to break the mold, he married my aunt Robyn (she is white) and they have been married for almost 30 years. They also have two kids; my cousin Kirsten, their daughter, got married to a white guy in Hawaii 2 years ago. My cousin Ryan, got married a Croatian girl last year and my cousin Priya got married to a black guy about 6 years ago (there was a lot of drama, with my cousin marrying a back guy, my aunt didn’t even tell us they got married, she didn’t even go to her own daughter’s wedding, and she still doesn’t accept her husband, however, my cousin Priya has 3 boys and my aunt loves her grandkids). My sister (21) and I have always been in interracial relationships. Currently, I have been dating my boyfriend, Martin (23), for over a year and a half; he is half Polish and half French (blonde hair, blue eyes, so cute J I love him!). Our relationship is going pretty well. My parents know we are dating, have met him on several occasions and approve, he is currently studying mechanical engineering at the college. His mom on the other hand is not as warm to me ( I am used to being liked by parents, all my friends parents love me and all my previous boyfriends parents have loved me as well, yes, they were white guys as well) and it really hurts. His dad on the other hand is always really nice to me and so are his younger brothers.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
Well, it’s pretty self explanatory, I am an Indian Christian. My parents were born in New Dehli (low Christian population in northern Indian of Indian Christians). We speak Hindi, well I don’t speak, I understand it, but can’t really speak it. My boyfriend is Catholic, so that has been easier for us, we are both Christians, just different denominations.
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I love the forms. I also hope that I can help anyone out, if they need my help, just e-mail me and I’ll try and help in any way I can. I also want people to know that interracial relationship relationships can succeed; even tough Indian ones. Luckily, my parents are more liberal.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
I am really sorry that your BF's mom is rude to you. Usually us goris are worrying about our ILs not accepting us and we can get stuck in the mind set that all whites are so tolerant and open and it is the bad traditional desi parents to fear. From your post we can see two cases where a white North American person was definately not the epitome of tolerance. Very sad to hear, but a good reminder for us all that the resistance is not just coming from the desi side.
Yes, I am not used to racial prejudice, so its really weird for me. Where, I live in southerm Ontario, Canada its pretty multicultural. Also, I am not one of those Indian girls that only surrounds themselves with other desi's, most of my friends are from all over and I have a lot of white friends as well. Even though he is not close to his parents (he was adopted when he was 5 and was never really close to either set of parents) I still wished she liked me. Its not as if she is verbally rude to me, she does not address me or talk to much. In other words she's not very warm towards me.
Has anyone had this happen to them, where the white family was intolerant to them? Or to anyone who is white, did your parents react kindly when they found out you were going out with someone who was Indian?
Its so weird to address people by race, I am not used to it at all.
White people aren't the most tolerant group as a whole, many whites have prejudices against other races. I think this is true of all racial and ethnic groups, no group is universally open minded or universally prejudiced. I can tell you that many Catholics, especially those who aren't Irish or Italian are a little standoffish, we are raised with a good amount of shame and I know that my parents are the same way to most people, not just boyfriends.
I hope this helps out a bit, she might just take a while to warm up to.
Your right a lot of people do have their own prejudices. I guess, I am just not used to dealing with that. My parents are a very tolerant and not racist at all, so that's just the way I have been raised. I know I have blessed, because not everyone has been raised in the same way.
Also, my bf, ML, is not Irish or Italian. He's half French and Half Polish. So I guess that makes sense. One of my best friends, is Italian and Spanish and her family and I are very close :)
My parents like my bf, I know my mom would prefer it if he was Indian. But she does not mind so much. I hope his mom feels the same way one day.
ICG, I'm the same – friends' and boyfriends' parents typically love me, but I had one bf in high school whose mom absolutely detested me – we all had dinner at a restaurant once and he and I held hands under the table a bit, and she later criticized him because we were "all over each other." It REALLY bothered me that she was so against me for no reason I could determine. Just curious if it's possible that it's just one of those "no woman is good enough for my baby" things (yes, White people do it too! another Desi mom stereotype)…
Another perspective – although my family never voiced any objections directly, there's been some…uncomfortable questions about his religion, and my current religion, and whether he'll "come around" to Christ in the future (never mind that I've wandered away). He's also said that there are times he just feels like people look at him funny. While his family had much more direct, open prejudice, my family has a fair (unfair?) helping of subtle, indirect prejudice that will likely be slower to go away.
1. Who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself.
Hey All! I’m a 25 year old blonde-haired, blue-eyed Canadian from Calgary, Alberta. I have a Bachelor's degree in Marketing and am passionate about cooking, travel, and running.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I found my way here from The Gori Wife Life, and have been poring over the posts and the forum. I love this site! Although I have a culturally mixed group of friends, my boyfriend and I are the only mixed couple, so it’s great to read about everyone’s experiences and insights and get some perspective on issues that no-one else in my life has dealt with.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
I've been with my 26 year old Pakistani-Canadian boyfriend, FK, for almost 5 years. We are moving to Vancouver together in July for FK’s job, and are planning to get married next fall! We haven’t broken this news to his conservative Muslim parents yet, though. They know about me, but I haven’t met them yet so I’m not sure how it’s going to go over…
Other than that, as I said, my group of friends is very multicultural.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
Billi is the Urdu word for cat or kitten, and it’s FK’s nickname for me (because I’m cute and little, he says).
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
I haven’t got one yet, but I’m hoping to get a good picture from our friends’ Pakistani wedding in a few weeks!
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I love the forum in general, it’s great that inter-cultural couples can share their stories and get advice! Besides the relationship threads, I like the cooking and fashion discussions, since I love to cook and am trying to figure out South Asian clothes (I went shopping for a salwaar-kameez today, and was told by the sales guy that the one I really liked was an “older-lady’s” outfit :S I did manage to find a “young girl’s” suit I liked, though)!
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
I am a 30 year old white American woman from a small town in Texas, married to a big city man from Mumbai. I was raised by very free-spirited parents in a large family, who also happened to be fundamental Baptists (weird combo, I know), but I left the faith and certianly fundamentalism a long time ago. My husband is a Muslim, who practices his faith, but not devoutly. He has an extrememely conservative and also large family, all living in Mumbai. We both currently live in New York City, though we hope to locate to warmer weather at some point in the future.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out
about us?
From Sharell's blog- White Indian Housewife. I've been lurking there for a while. I like Sharell's posts very much, but living in the US, I was eager to find another blog where the couple lived in the US.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal
with multiple cultures in your life?
Obviously. We met four years ago, have been together 3 1/2 years and got married in Feb 2010- not too long ago. I would say I hang out with Desi's more than American's these days. My husband and I have about as opposite backgrounds as is possible, with the exception of one thing- we both have a lot of brothers and sisters. (I have five, all younger, he has four, all older.) We both consider our families to be very important to our lives- even our lives together.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
Not really. It's similar to my real name.
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
n/a
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum.
What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I like the varied backgrounds, yet the sense that we all have very similar problems (and non-problems). I like reading about other's who have been through what we have been through and who have had happy endings so far in such a complicated relationship.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
1. Who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself.
Hi! I'm K – early 20's, female, white Canadian, anthropology student.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
Google! I believe through google images I stumbled on this site, and spent the next hour looking over this blog as well as those on the blogroll!
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
For almost 3 years I have been dating a wonderful guy from South India. I also have many friends and coworkers in my life from different cultural backgrounds, and love what all have taught me about their respective cultures. I also did my undergrad work in cultural anthro.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
My initial (K) and my boyfriend's initial (D), with the Hindi word "aur" – inspired by one of the first Hindi films I watched – "Bunty Aur Babli"
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
Working on it!
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
Great so far. Have enjoyed reading everyone's introductions!
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
Not sure yet, but have been inspired by the blog and would like to start writing down my own thoughts and experiences down soon!
The name is Dee. I am an American woman who is in love with a man who lives in the state of MP, Indore India. The ultimate plan is for me to move to India to marry and live so I try to gain any and all information to learn as much as I can about what to expect to my new home.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I was given the information from a friend on another group.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
I am now and have been in an intercultural relationship for 5 years.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
The name Indiabound means exactly that……Indiabound, ready and willing. : )
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
At this time I have no Avatar.
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I am still trying to find my way around which seems to take some doing, but I am learning.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
Anywhere that will help me to learn about the intercultural marriage and life in India.
My name is Kayla, I am 22 years old and from Minnesota. I recently graduated college and I'm currently in the process of figuring out what I want to do with my life. Kinda scary! I enjoying meeting new people, traveling, cooking, learning, and overall working to better myself as a person. Which somedays is no easy task, ha
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I am currently in a relationship with one of my best friends, who also happens to be Pakistani (I'm white American) . We have been together for almost a year, and things are going great. However, none of my friends or family are in, or have ever been in an interracial/intercultural/interfaith/inter-anything relationship. It can be hard sometimes, and lonely when you can't share your struggles and questions with other people who understand your relationship fully. I started researching online for people and articles as a way to learn more about what it's like to actually be in a relationship like this, just as a way to know I'm not alone. I eventually found this site, which has helped me immensely! I'm here mostly to learn, and to meet other people in a similar situation.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
Yes, Like I said above we have been together for almost a year – we met at college through my internship that I did in our schools multicultural center. Him being an international student, and me being the international student life intern we eventually crossed paths. To be honest, we have met little resistance in our time together and have received a lot of support. Although, with my parents that took some time, they now love having him around. And I love being in a relationship with my Pakistani guy and consider myself very lucky!
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
No fun story – sorry!
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
none – these questions are starting to make me look lame and boring!
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
It has really given me the opportunity to catch a glimpse into other peoples interrelationships, showing me that the things I go through with my partner are normal. Even though I don't know any of the others personally, its crazy what an impact their stores have had on my own relationship.
I have no dislikes, as far as the forums go ;)
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
I just edited this a little. I thought if I wanted to be a little anonymous at some point I wanted to change the online name. For those who have previously read the post oh well. C'est la vie.
1. Who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself.
Hi all, Namaste, Assalam Alaikum, Sat Sri Akal. My husband and I just moved to the tri-state area (NY/NJ/CT) not too long ago. I’m originally a Midwestern gal in my mid-30s. We've been moving around a lot in the past few years and since I don't really know too many people here and I'm not working at the moment I thought I'd get back into checking out the blogs.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I actually found gori girl's blog a few years ago. I think I did an online search for Indian/American intercultural marriages – or something like that anyway. I had been away from it a while when I was taking classes and just plain busy. I think I actually have another account here (maybe) but forgot username/password stuff and can’t find it to save my life. So I figured I’d just start over. I have recently gotten back into the blog and forum as I am currently not working and finding it hard to meet other people that I have anything in common with. It’s comforting to be among like-minded people here.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
My husband and I have been married for 10+ years. He is originally from Karachi, Pakistan but from a Hindu family (which has its own set of unique challenges). I’m told his ancestors are originally from places near Indore and Pune, India. There’s an on-going joke in the family that his relatives went the wrong way during the partition. My MIL and FIL speak fluent Marathi and Urdu/Hindi. My FIL speaks fluent English and my MIL knows a little. Sometimes I hear a combo of the three languages all at once (makes my head hurt.) My MIL and FIL don’t live with us yet, but probably will when my FIL is ready to retire. They come for vacations here usually every summer for extended stays.
My husband has been in the states for over half his life. I wouldn’t really consider him totally “Americanized”. I think we try to find a healthy balance at home between our two cultures. I think our home life might be a little more Indian/Pakistani, but we do live in America so that influence is always there. I think sometimes we maybe even overcompensate because of that, but it works for us.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
tulika is the hindi word for paint brush. I enjoy art and painting so I thought it would be kind of a fun name.
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
n/a, I wasn’t able to upload anything at the moment.
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I just like reading other’s experiences. Some seem all too familiar and others very different. I learn new things here all the time.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
I'm 26 years old, born and raised in Southern California! I love to travel, read, and be lazy on the beach. I am a social worker and (usually) love my job.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you
find out about us?
I found the link through the Diary of a White Indian Housewife :)
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or
somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
I am in an intercultural relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 years. He is South Indian (but grew up in Delhi) and has been in the US for about 8-9 years. We live together now and have talked about getting married but it's still a touchy subject. He told his parents about me about one year ago. Surprise surprise, it didn't go very well! I had the amazing opportunity to go to India (Delhi) with him in December 2009 and loved it! However, his parents still were not "ready" to meet me yet. It has been a very difficult time for me this past year as he does not like to talk about the situation much and I have difficulty understanding the whole thing. I do not have any friends who can relate to my situation, so I came on here to read about other's stories. I have found some comfort in knowing that everything just may be okay in the end!
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
It's the abbreviation of the city I live in and my age.
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
I haven't chosen one yet!
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the
forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
So far, I have enjoyed reading about everyone's stories and answers to those asking for advice.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time
posting?
I hope to post throughout the forums, but can guess it will be for relationship/in-law advice :)
I am Catherine Ayer – a white woman from Grenville, South Dakota- a town of 54 inhabitants. I presently live in Chicago and I am a pharmacist.
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
The link to this blog was sent to me by my brother. He said that he found it in the Washington Post article while he was reading about inter-cultural relationships.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
I am married to an Indian man for 7 years and we dated for a year before we got married. We fell in love when we met each other through our friends . He was a grad student at the same university where I studied – South Dakota State University. At first I thought he wouldn't blend in with my family of farmers (His dad was a corporate executive and his mom was a Professor in my field- Pharmacy). But I was wrong. My parents and brothers are quite fond of him and he likes to spend vacation time fishing, hunting, skating and sometimes even farming in our town. His parents were opposed to our relationship as they wanted their son to marry someone of their own caste -Brahman.The fact that I am two years older than him didn't help and his parents wanted him to marry a girl whom they liked – a rich businessman friend's daughter. But after we got married , they were quite accepting of us.
The places where we lived after we got married were multicultural- Harvard(Where he got his MBA), New York,Dallas and finally now in Chicago. We were also blessed with a beautiful daughter – now two years old. We simply adore each other.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
Its my first name along with my husband's surname(which is mine too). We changed our names together- Ayer is an anglicized pronunciation of Iyer – a sect of Tamil Brahmins. He did not use it in India due to the stigma attached to it but it was his family's surname for generations.
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
None
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
Its really nice and encouraging.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
I will mostly be spending time posting under the Introduction/Personal Stories Category and the family and relationships section.
1. Who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself.
My name is Crystal. I'm 28. I'm a white American (English/Irish/Cherokee roots). We actually traced our ancestors back into England and my 4th great grandmother was a full-blooded Cherokee Indian (which is exciting for me :-) ). I mean, there are others that are Cherokee as well, but I don't think any of them were full-blooded. I grew up in Florida, still live in Florida (even though I have lived in a few other states). I have 2 boys, with another boy on the way. The two that I have now are 9 and 5. I am finishing my BA in Psychology, with an English minor. I will go on to get my MA and my PhD. I wish to do research and write. I am not really interested in clinical work with Psychology. I already have many friends that seem to believe that because they have access to my cell number, they can use it 24/7. What they don't seem to understand is that I do not always have the time, nor the desire to be on the phone for hours. If i'm at the store and I'm trying to be mommy and a shopper at the same time, I DON'T want a phone glued to my ear. ;-)
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I was googling something on the internet and found where Gori mentioned her blog in her response to someone's question.
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
Yes. I have been with the same guy for almost 4 1/2 years now. I'll explain that later. Quite complicated to be honest.
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
It's an acronym. I don't want to explain it. It was a spur of the moment creation.
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
N/A
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike around here so far?
I am just now looking around and reading some posts. I have to do a little more exploring. I like what I see so far though.
7. Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
Couldn't tell ya. :-)
Hi everyone! My name is Karen and I’m a 30-something Midwestern gal married to a 30-something South Indian man. We recently moved back to my home state of Indiana after living in CA for about 9 years. We both figured it was time to settle down and plan for family and be able to own a house rather than waste $2000 on rent every month. LOL I’m a customer account manager for a software company based out of CA and work from home and my husband S is a software engineer currently consulting in the medical, financial and government industries. We’ve been here in Indiana
for a little over a year now and are really enjoying owning a home and being near my family and friends. My family keeps us busy most of the time, but we’ve also gotten involved with our church and the gym. I love wine, art, reading and
of course…my husband!
2. How did you make your way here? Where did you find out about us?
I discovered GoriGirl through the MasalaCouples LiveJournal group many years ago when she posted there and have
been a long time lurker since. Just figured I should finally register!
3. Are you in an intercultural relationship or somehow deal with multiple cultures in your life?
Yes, my husband S is originally from Andhra Pradesh. I met him 10 years ago (has it really been that long? Eep!) when he
worked for my dad, so it’s my dad’s fault we met! ;-) It was the dot com boom at the time, and my dad had moved out to the Bay Area to be the VP of Engineering for a small startup company. I had moved from the Indiana to California after graduating from college (Purdue University) in May of 1999 since I wasn’t having any lucking finding entry-level positions.
Dad figured I could work in the start-up company for awhile until I got some experience under my belt, but I ended up liking it and stayed. S came to the US in early 2000 and started working for my dad. We hit it off immediately and became fast friends. We decided to take things slow (is 10 years slow? *snicker*), but it has all paid off in the end. There was a little bit of arguing going on in the beginning with his family, but after his mom officially met me, things seemed to calm down. He is the youngest of 6 brothers and 1 sister, so naturally the family was a little more protective of him. Despite some of the struggles in the beginning, everyone is happy and both of our families are accepting and supportive of our relationship. It's a relief to know we have the support of our family and friends and don't have to deal with the challenges that some other couples face with their families. In December of 2007, S's family had a family reunion in India.
This was the first time everyone had gotten together since scattering across the globe (S has family in CA, Oregon, Texas and India).
Since the whole family was going to be present, we decided to have a small wedding ceremony at a temple in Annavaram on December 23, 2007. Even though it was small and not a huge 3 day/multi-outfit celebration, it was special for us
since the whole family could witness his marriage which isn’t something all his siblings had for their marriages.
S and I had our US wedding ceremony at Lake Tahoe over the 4th of July weekend in 2008. Originally, we were just going to elope since we couldn’t afford the type of wedding I wanted and we'd already celebrated in India. After telling my parents our plans, they wanted to come so it turned out to be a mini family reunion which was nice. Most of my family and a couple of friends came and everyone had a good time. The view at our ceremony site was spectacular! It was really nice to be able to celebrate with both families in two different ceremonies. :-)
4. What does your name mean? Any story behind it?
My name and initial of my last name – not too exciting
5. What is your avatar (if you have one)?
None yet – image uploader seems to be disabled
6. Give us some feedback on your impressions of the forum. What do you like/dislike
around here so far?
I’m still very new to the forums section of GG, so I have yet to explore and spend more time reading posts. The biggest
challenge I’ve seen in similar forums (Indian Ties, Masala Couples and MTI) is that they tend to go dead after awhile which causes a snowball effect of people losing interest when there is no new content so they stop visiting and posting too. Only other thing I’ve noticed is that the forums load very slowly and some pages don’t load at all – perhaps because
of heavy traffic? Overall, I think it’s a great idea and am looking forward to reading through the forums!
7.Where do you think you'll spend most of your time posting?
Not sure yet, but most likely the Family & Relationship and Intro & Personal Stories sections
I've been here for a while and don't think I have filled out this optional questionnaire, so here goes.
1. Hi . My name is Jan. I live in Indiana (Hi Karen and other hoosiers). I and my dh live in our capital city. He has a job teaching computers and doing some programming for companies to make their softwares accessible. I have a social work degree, but am not employed yet. I enjoy volunteer work, helping and teaching others, learning new languages and new things, walking and tandem cycling,
children, writing, reading and making new friends. I have four grown children and this is my second marriage, but his first. Oh, we are both blind. He can see shadows and light, but I can't. We both read braille. I use a dog as a mobility aid and he uses a cane. 2. I found this site off of the GoriWife's site and a web search. My dh is Pakistani and once we were in a relationship, I began to look for resources. … Sorry, not very original at all.
3. We are in an interfaith, intercultural and age gap relationship. That is a lot to deal with, but it is worth it to make it work. And, we have disability to make things interesting. (smile)
4. Jamily5 is (family) with a J and 5 because that is how many were in my family at the time. Since the marriage, I should change it, but don't know how.
5. What is Avitar? Isn't that a video role playing game term????
6. Sometimes the forums don't load and I have to reload. But, since I have acquired a slightly faster computer, I can read and post. This is good. The only other trouble is that I don't know how to tell which topics are new or have been updated since my last visit. But, I think that it is a sighted thing.
7. I will try to visit all of the forums from time to time, but my first is th family/relationship one. But, what do you expect from a Social work major?
"Dil kay rishton kay bhandan kabhi naheen tootnay chahiay hain."
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