Gori Girl

Hi Kataria,

My first question would be why are you doubting that this could work? Is it because of the cultural difference or because you met online?

If it is because you met him online that isn't too much of a problem. Let me tell you a little about myself and boyfriends relationship. In the fall of 2008 I finally broke all ties with my ex boyfriend of 5yrs. Me and the ex boyfriend had been going through a lot for the past year and a half of our relationship so when we broke it off, I knew I was walking away and never looking back. At the same time I also couldn't forget the life that included him for the past 5yrs. I was not even a month into starting my new found freedom and empowerment when I decided that I was randomly going to answer a few craigslist ads. I thought that nothing was going to come of it because all the guys on craigslist are usually just looking for a one night stand. At the very same time my boyfriend decided he was bored and would make a craigslist ad just to see if he received any feed back. He stated in the ad he was just looking for a nice person to get to know and nothing serious. Well, if you haven't already figured it out I answered his ad. We started talking and soon realized we had one thing very much in common and that was Photography. So, that was our ice breaker and we talked for a good month. Which included him sharing about the current festival season and sharing some of his favorite bollywood music. We both agreed that our past relationships were filled with lying and that we both wanted our friendship to be all about honesty and not lying. We also agreed that we would also be true to ourselves and not try to be something in order to fit the others liking.  He lived 45minutes outside of the state capitol(where I lived), but had college friends who he frequently came in to town to spend the weekend with. We met after a month. My friend though I was crazy because I had this stranger from online pick me up at my house. She said I was being stupid but she knew she couldn't stop me. So, I gave her all of his info and where and when were going to be places so that if I disappeared she knew where I was supposed to be.

I haven't regretted my decision yet. We had some bumps in the road at first due to my ex boyfriend.  Which included him feeling being able to accept the fact that he wasn't the only guy that had ever been with. He also felt like he was always working to make sure he was always better then my ex in all aspects of being a boyfriend. Some of those could have been avoided had I been broken up with my ex a little longer. So,  I would say that I would be really careful about that. You don't want to make a person that you really care about feel like they are inferior because they were not there first.

As far as the differences in culture are concerned. I like to think that I've been pretty lucky so far. Adi had been here in the states for about 3yrs when we met. He seems to have a more liberal mindset anyways and then having so much exposure to our culture due to going to school here made for a very American like Indian. We are both very open minded and have made a point to have good communication. All couples have there arguments and disagreements, but how the couple handles them will determine how well the relationship can be. I think it has been a little harder for me to understand him at times. And in those times I had to just breathe and remember that he would never purposefully do anything to hurt my feelings. So, I have learned to just tell him to stop and explain to me why he did it the way he did it. And let him know how I interpreted his actions. And then discuss how it could be handled or communicated the next time to avoid misunderstanding.

Currently, I worry about his family and our married life. We have held off on telling his family about our relationship until we felt we wanted to get engaged. This decision was based off of how his traditions are in his family and how he felt his family saw the idea of dating. This summer we plan to visit all of his sisters who live in another city here in the US. We will first get their approval and support. In December he will be taking his yearly trip home and will also be informing them of our intentions and asking for blessing from them.  I know that they will be worried about if I will keep in the US and if I will ever want divorce. But those questions can be answered quickly. I plan on moving back home with him as soon as we are married and because I have experienced divorce in my own family I will do anything to not get divorced and believe it is a horrible thing. I worry more about if they will accept our relationship because I'm American(non-hindu) and if I will get along with them. I want to love them like I love him and want to be loved like one of their daughters.

Lastly, I'll say that just because this "love" seems too good to be true doesn't not always mean it is. I had plenty of friends who said I met him online and didn't know who he really was. That I didn't know if he was already promised to someone else. That I didn't know if he just wanted a free ticket to the US. But in my heart I knew that he was genuine and I could trust and love him. Just be the logical rational person you are and look for red flags along the way. You can be adventurous and follow your heart while still being rational and thinking things through. Have fun because you ony have one life to live.

Kathleen

P.S. Sorry this was so long.

I would just be aware that things might be different when you meet.  I once talked to a guy online for about 4 months and I thought I was really into him until a week after we met he called me 4 times a day and would sing songs he made up about my name whenever he didn't know what to say, needless to say it was not at all what I expected.