Gori Girl

Not that this exactly helps or anything, but one of the running jokes in V's family and few Indian friends is "at least she isn't Chinese"… (I'm white) but of course I didn't think much of it until I read your post. I know that there has been a long history of conflict with China. Maybe this article helps? http://www.newsweek.com/id/217088

Post edited 1:55 am – December 6, 2009 by luckyfatima

I think it is really complex, but…

I find in general that South Asians do have and express open prejudices against Chinese people. There are the typical crude stereotypes about their being shrewd in business, that they will eat anything, that they are unattractive (I have heard the pejorative term in Urdu/Hindi ”chapta” meaning flat, which describes a face, sort of like the English terms about eyes and so forth)…although the desis I know love Chinese straight black hair and Chinese color white skin. These are nothing but cheap stereotypes…yet they persist in the same way they do in North American culture…only in North America there was a political correctness movement that swept open expressions of these sentiments under the rug to some extent, although slurs and racist thinking against Chinese still very much exist in N. America. But desis are not generally polically correct. They also openly make prejudiced statements about other desis who are not members of their own particular ethnic communities..so it's not like they only pick on the Chinese. In my opinion it is the cheap stereotypes about Chinese people, as well as the perception that they are unattractive that work against you for simply being Chinese, not the Indo-Chinese war issue. Sadly, I think the disgusting American stereotype about “Chinese girls are good in bed” has made it to India through the spread of US media, so there is that Chinese girl vixen image there, too. (the domination of US popculture, rife with stereotypes about different ethnic groups, affects the way Indians in India, as well as people all over the world, think about black Americans, too…US racism is very dangerous)

Can an Indian family accept a Chinese bride? I know several mixed Chinese-female desi guy couples, it does happen despite the prejudices. Such couples are not uncommon in Singapore and Malaysia, for instance. In my experience, China born Chinese wouldn't be so happy about their girl marrying an Indian guy either…I think the stereotype thing is mutual, anyway. There are also a lot of 3rd and 4th gen Chinese origin Indians and Pakistanis…I have a friend who is Chinese-Pakistani and married into a Punjabi PK family. She lives in a joint family with her in-laws, and she is really happy. She is knock-out gorgeous, by the way, but I hear desi aunties say things about her like “she is pretty, for a Chinese.” I know that isn't fun to hear (or read), but I am just being honest about the issue. UGA has some good advice about meeting the family and comparisons between Indian and Chinese culture, although you mentioned you are American and perhaps you or your family aren't so culturally Chinese, at least you may “get” the family orientedness of Indians.

I would say just persist with your relationship, try your best to impress the potential ILs, but know what you are up against.